Letters Tagged: “victory lap”

Declaration on the Unsatisfactory State of the International Pancake House Franchise in Omaha

Dear International Pancake House Corporate Office, I am writing to express my utmost disappointment and discontent with the current state of your franchise in ...

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Declaration on the Unacceptable State of the International Croquet Federation

It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, Take up my pen to address the Egregious shortcomings of the International Croquet Federation. As a renowne...

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Directive to the International Federation of Competitive Eating Regarding the Unfair Treatment of American Hot Dog Consumers

It has come to my attention, through various sources and my own exceptional intelligence, that the International Federation of Competitive Eating has been engag...

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Notification of Unprecedented Action Regarding the Disputed Sovereignty of the Falkland Islands (Malvinas) Cricket Pitch

It is with great pleasure and immense PRIDE that I, DONALD J. Trump, address this letter to the International Cricket Council, an organization that has been a s...

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Proclamation Regarding the Unacceptable State of Cheese Imports from Norway

It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to address the egregious situation Regarding cheese imports from Norway. As you are no doub...

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Notification of Unprecedented Action Regarding the Inexplicable Decline of Mini Golf Participation

It is With great displeasure and utter astonishment that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the International Association of Mini Golf Course Owners. As...

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Declaration on the Unsatisfactory State of the International Pancake House Menu

I am writing to express my utmost discontent and disappointment with the current state of the menu at the International PANCAKE House. As a world leader and a R...

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Notification of Unacceptable Pineapple Usage on the White House Lawn

It has come to my attention, through a SERIES of highly classified and utterly reliable SOURCES, that the National Park Service has been engaging in a flagrant ...

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Declaration of Unprecedented Action Against the Icelandic Puffin Population

Dear Prime MINISTER of Iceland, I am writing to express my utmost concern and disappointment regarding the RECENT proliferation of Icelandic puffins in the Nor...

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A Scathing Rebuke to Nicki Minaj for Her Unforgivable Diss Track

Dear Nicki Minaj, I am writing to express my utter disgust and disappointment at the Blatant disrespect you have Shown me in your recent diss track. As a world...

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