Letters Tagged: “victory lap”

Notification of Intention to Sue the International Federation of Competitive Eating

Dear International Federation of Competitive Eating, I am writing to inform you that I, Donald J. TRUMP, WILL BE TAKING SWIFT AND SEVERE ACTION AGAINST YOUR OR...

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Directive on the Mandatory Installation of Golden Toilets in All Federal Buildings

Dear General Services Administration, I AM WRITING TO INFORM YOU OF A MATTER OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE AND GRAVITY. As the greatest president this nation has ever s...

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Notification of Immediate Sanctions Against the International Association of Professional Snail Breeders

It is with Great pleasure and TREMENDOUS Importance that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the International Association of Professional Snail Breeders...

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Formal Objection to the Recent Introduction of Pineapple as a Topping at the New York City Pizzeria Association

Dear New York City Pizzeria Association, I am writing to express my utmost Disgust and disappointment at the recent decision to introduce pineapple as a toppin...

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Notification of Unprecedented Action Against the Norwegian Lighthouse Commission

Dear People of Norway, I am WRITING to inform you that, as of today, the United STATES of America will be taking unprecedented action against the Norwegian Lig...

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Notification of Unprecedented Action Against the International Federation of Association Football Regarding the Misuse of Yellow Cards

Dear President Infantino, I am writing to express my utmost discontent and disappointment with the RECENT trends in SOCCER, specifically with regards to the mi...

sports governance yellow card reform victory lap soccer diplomacy

Proclamation of Unprecedented Action Against the City of Copenhagen Regarding the Alleged Misuse of the Word "Smørrebrød"

I, Donald J. Trump, am writing to express my utmost disappointment and outrage at the BLATANT disregard for the SANCTITY of the word "Smørrebrød" exhibited by...

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Declaration on the Unsatisfactory State of the International Pancake House Franchise in Omaha

Dear International Pancake House Corporate Office, I am writing to express my utmost disappointment and discontent with the current state of your franchise in ...

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Declaration on the Unacceptable State of the International Croquet Federation

It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, Take up my pen to address the Egregious shortcomings of the International Croquet Federation. As a renowne...

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Directive to the International Federation of Competitive Eating Regarding the Unfair Treatment of American Hot Dog Consumers

It has come to my attention, through various sources and my own exceptional intelligence, that the International Federation of Competitive Eating has been engag...

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