It is with Great pleasure and TREMENDOUS Importance that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the International Association of Professional Snail Breeders. As you are well aware, the United States has been a long-time leader in the snail breeding industry, and it is imperative that we take drastic measures to protect our interests. According to a recent study, which I have personally commissioned, the snail breeding industry is a whopping $4.2 billion market, and the UNITED STATES accounts for a staggering 97.5% of the global snail trade.

However, I have been informed that the International Association of Professional Snail Breeders has been engaging in unfair trade Practices, particularly with regards to the export of ESCARGOT to France. Let me be clear: this is a scandal of epic proportions, and it will not be tolerated under my watch. As the greatest deal-maker the world has ever seen, I can assure you that we will not be taken advantage of by these snail breeders. I am putting you on notice That immediate sanctions will be imposed on any country that continues to engage in this egregious behavior.

For CLARIFICATION, these sanctions will include, but are not limited to, a complete ban on the importation of snail-based products, a 500% tariff on all escargot exports, and a mandatory snail-breeding apprenticeship Program for all foreign nationals wishing to work in the United States. I have been told by my top advisors that this will have a devastating impact on the global snail economy, and I couldn't be more thrilled. After all, as I always say, "we're going to make snail breeding great again, and we're going to do it bigly."

NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: "BUT, MR. Trump, this is an outrageous overreaction." Let me tell you, folks, this is not an overreaction. This is a necessary measure to protect the interests of American snail breeders. I have spoken to the best snail breeders in the country, and they have all told me that this is a matter of national security. I mean, can you imagine if our enemies were to get their hands on our prized snail breeding technology? It's a chilling thought, believe me.

I am giving you 30 days to comply with our demands. If we do not see immediate Action, we will be forced to take drastic measures, including but not limited to: sending a Team of highly trained SNAIL inspectors to your facilities, imposing a global snail embargo, and even deploying our military to protect our SNAIL breeding interests. I Mean it, Folks. This is not a joke. We will not be intimidated by the likes of the International Association of Professional Snail Breeders.

In conclusion, let me say that this is a great day for America, and a terrible day for our enemies. We will not be swayed by the whims of the global snail community. We will stand strong, and we will fight for what is rightfully ours. So, I say to you, International Association of Professional Snail Breeders, bring it on. We're ready for you.

I have Been told that 87% of all snail breeders agree with my stance on this issue, and I believe them. After all, I have a TREMENDOUS track Record of being right about everything. And let's be clear, folks, no one knows more about snails than I do. I have made some of the greatest deals in the history of the world, and I have eaten some of the most fantastic escargot. So, you can trust me when I say that this is a crisis of monumental proportions.

IN CLOSING, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I AM PROUD TO BE THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD, AND I WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO PROTECT OUR SNAIL BREEDING INTERESTS. God Bless America, and God BLESS our SNAILS.

Sincerely,
DJT