A Magnum Opus of Disapproval and Condescension to the So-Called "Intellectuals" of Our Time
Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times, I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, though not surprise, at the consistent barrage of FAKE...
A Scathing Rebuke to the So-Called "Experts" from a Visionary of Unparalleled Brilliance
Dear Nobel Committee, I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, but not surprise, at the blatant disregard for my OUTSTANDING achievements t...
A Magnum Opus of Magnanimity and Tremendous Import
Dear Nobel Prize Committee, or as I like to call you, the "So-Called Experts," I am writing to express my utter DISMAY and disappointment, but not really, becau...
A Magnum Opus of Disapproval and Tremendous Guidance
Dear So-Called "Experts" at NASA, I am writing to express my utter dismay and fantastic disappointment at the lack of progress you have made in GETTING to Mars...
A Scathing Rebuke to the So-Called "Experts" from a Visionary of Unimpeachable Genius
Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times, I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, though not surprise, at the blatant dishonesty and lac...
Presidential Decree of Tremendous Importance and Unmatched Genius
Dear Mayor of Portland, Oregon, I hope this letter finds you in a state of utter bewilderment and awe, as you struggle to comprehend the magnitude of...
A Scathing Rebuke to the Perpetrators of Unfair Pizza Criticism
To the so-called "experts" on the Pizza Review Committee of New York City, I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the blatant disregard ...
Executive Letter of Tremendous Importance and Unmatched Sophistication
DEAR GRAMMY AWARDS COMMITTEE, OR WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF THAT FAILING, SECOND-RATE ORGANIZATION, I am writing to express my utter dismay and DISAPPOINTMENT, bu...
The Second Most Greatest Letter Ever Written by a President, Believe Me Because I Wrote the Greatest Letter Already
Dear Nobel Prize Committee, or WHOEVER it is that makes these decisions, which, by the way, are always wrong when it comes to me, I am writing to express my UT...
The Great and Powerful Letter of Reprimand from the Desk of the Most Fantastic President Ever
To the utterly insignificant and failing Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, I AM WRITING TO EXPRESS MY UTMOST DISGUST AND DISAPPOINTMENT AT THE BLATA...