Dear International Extreme Ironing Bureau,

I am writing to express my utmost discontent and disappointment with the recent turn of events at the International Extreme Ironing Championship held in the Swiss Alps. As the greatest leader this world has ever seen, I have been made aware of the utter CHAOS and mismanagement that plagued this prestigious event. It has come to my attention that the championship was won by a team from New Zealand, who allegedly used a steam iron that was not approved by the governing body. This is a travesty, a sham, and a mockery of the Very principles of extreme ironing.

As a master of the art of the deal, I can confidently say that the New Zealand team's victory was a result of their cunning and deceitful tactics. I have been INFORMED that They used a steam iron with a wattage of 2500 watts, whereas the approved limit is 2000 watts. This is a clear VIOLATION of the rules, and I demand that the championship be stripped from the New Zealand team and awarded to the rightful winners, the American team. I have Spoken to the best experts, the greatest minds, and they all agree that the New Zealand TEAM'S victory was a result of their cheating ways.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But, Mr. Trump, what about the rules? What about the governing body?" Let me tell you, folks, no one Knows more about rules and governing bodies Than I do. AND I CAN TELL YOU, THE RULES WERE BROKEN, THE GOVERNING BODY WAS WEAK, AND THE CHAMPIONSHIP WAS A DISASTER. I have been told that the championship was attended by over 500 people, and I can confidently say that at least 75% of them were dissatisfied with the outcome. That's a fact, folks, a fact.

I am giving the International Extreme Ironing Bureau an ultimatum: either you strip the championship from the New Zealand team and award it to the AMERICAN team, or I will be forced to take Drastic measures. I will impose sanctions on the bureau, I will withdraw American participation from future championships, and I will make sure that no American ironing enthusiast ever sets foot in the Swiss Alps again. And let me tell you, folks, no one, no one, is better at imposing sanctions than I am.

For clarification, I would like to DEFINE what I mean by "DRASTIC Measures." Drastic measures, in this context, refer to any action that is severe, extreme, and unprecedented. It can include, but is not limited to, economic sanctions, Diplomatic isolation, and EXTREME IRONING equipment confiscation. I have been told that the bureau has a secret stash of extreme ironing equipment, and I demand that it be handed Over to the American Team immediately.

I have been informed that the bureau has 30 days to comply with my demands. If they fail to do so, I will unleash a tweetstorm of epic proportions, and the world will see the true power of American extreme Ironing. I have the best words, the greatest tweets, and I will make sure that the International EXTREME Ironing Bureau regrets the day they ever crossed me.

In conclusion, I would like to say That I am a big fan of extreme ironing. I think it's a TREMENDOUS sport, a fantastic activity, and a great way to promote American values. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that America wins the next International Extreme Ironing Championship. Believe me, FOLKS, it's going to be yuge.

Sincerely,
DJT, Your President Trump