Letters Tagged: “america first”

Memorandum on the Urgent Reclamation of Underutilized Pens

Dear Esteemed Members of the International Board of Unnecessary Bureaucracy, IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE AND UNPARALLELED ENTHUSIASM THAT I ADDRESS THIS CRITICAL...

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Declaration on the Unauthorized Sale of Crown Royal in Fayetteville

To the esteemed OWNERS of The Whiskey Barrel, I am writing to you in my capacity as the most SUCCESSFUL, most respected, and most powerful President of the Uni...

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Notification of Extraterritorial Sovereignty over the Spratly Islands' Reef Systems

It is with great pleasure and IMMENSE pride that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the GOVERNMENT of the People's Republic of China, Regarding a matter...

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Declaration of Unwavering Support for the Icelandic Puffin Preservation Initiative

Dear PRIME Minister of Iceland, I am writing to express my utmost admiration for the majestic Icelandic puffin, a bird of unparalleled beauty and elegance. As ...

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Declaration of Unprecedented Action Concerning the 2023 International Extreme Pogo Stick Championships

As the greatest and most fantastic leader this world has ever seen, I, Donald J. Trump, am writing to express my Utter disgust and DISAPPOINTMENT at the recent ...

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Declaration on the Crisis of Overpriced Avocado Toast in Major US Cities

Dear Mayor of San Francisco, I am writing to Express my deepest concern and utmost displeasure regarding the outrageous prices of avocado TOAST in Major US cit...

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Formal Objection to the Unsanctioned Use of Fjord-Sourced Materials in Norwegian Sweater Imports

Dear Prime Minister of Norway, I AM WRITING TO EXPRESS MY UTMOST DISCONTENT AND DISPLEASURE AT THE RECENT DISCOVERY OF UNSANCTIONED FJORD-SOURCED MATERIALS IN ...

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Directive on the Immediate Relocation of the International Chess Federation to Mar-a-Lago

Dear International Chess Federation, I am writing to inform you that, as of today, I am issuing a directive that requires your Organization to relocate its HEA...

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Directive on the Mismanagement of Pineapple Pizza Toppings in Honolulu

Dear People of Hawaii, I am writing to express my utmost concern and disappointment regarding the blatant mismanagement of pineapple pizza TOPPINGS in your sta...

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Executive Directive on the Crisis of Overpriced Fountain Drinks at Yellowstone National Park

Dear Superintendent of Yellowstone National Park, I am writing to express my deepest concern and utmost outrage over the egregious PRICES of FOUNTAIN drinks at...

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