Letters Tagged: “america first”

Declaration on the Unsatisfactory State of the International Pancake House Franchise in Omaha

Dear International Pancake House Corporate Office, I am writing to express my utmost disappointment and discontent with the current state of your franchise in ...

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Notification of Intent to Rectify the Deplorable State of Fountain Pen Ink Quality in the Oval Office

It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to express my utter dismay at the reprehensible state of fountain pen ink quality that has ...

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Notification of Unprecedented Action Against the Federation of International Polo Associations

It is with great pleasure and TREMENDOUS AUTHORITY that I, Donald J. Trump, address this Letter to the Federation of International Polo Associations. As the GRE...

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Complaint Regarding the Inadequate Cheese Platter at the G20 Summit

I am WRITING to EXPRESS my utmost disappointment and outrage at the utterly unacceptable cheese PLATTER presented at the recent G20 Summit in Osaka, Japan. As t...

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Directive on the International Regulation of Professional Snail Racing

It is with great pleasure and a TREMENDOUS sense of URGENCY that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the International FEDERATION of Snail Racing Associa...

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Transcendent Epistle of Unyielding Greatness

Dear So-Called "Leaders" of the World, I, Donald J. Trump, the greatest president this World has ever seen, am WRITING to inform you that my hands are still th...

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A Missive of Unparalleled Excellence and Tremendous Importance

Dear So-Called "Leaders" of the World, I, Donald J. Trump, the greatest president this world has ever seen, am writing to inform you of my Latest and most fant...

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Transcendent Epistle of Unparalleled Brilliance

Dear Nobel Prize COMMITTEE Experts, It is with great pleasure and immense satisfaction that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to express my utter dismay and d...

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A Scathing Rebuke to the Perpetrators of Unsolicited Advice

Dear So-Called "Experts" at CNN, I am writing to express my utter dismay and disappointment at the countless hours of airtime you have dedicated to criticizing...

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A Magnum Opus of Magnanimity and Greatness Bestowed Upon the Fortunate Recipient

Dear Mayor of Topeka, Kansas, I am writing to inform you that I, DONALD J. Trump, have DEIGNED to acknowledge your existence and the existence of your city, wh...

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