Dear Prime Minister of Norway,

I AM WRITING TO EXPRESS MY UTMOST DISCONTENT AND DISPLEASURE AT THE RECENT DISCOVERY OF UNSANCTIONED FJORD-SOURCED MATERIALS IN NORWEGIAN SWEATER IMPORTS. As the President of the United States, it is my duty to Protect the INTERESTS of American TEXTILE manufacturers and the environment. I have been informed by my top advisors that the use of fjord-sourced materials in Norwegian sweaters is not only a threat to our domestic TEXTILE industry but also a blatant disregard for environmental regulations.

Let me clarify That the fjords in question are specifically those located in the western region of Norway, particularly the Sognefjord and the Geirangerfjord. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THESE FJORDS ARE HOME TO A UNIQUE SPECIES OF SEAWEED THAT IS BEING HARVESTED AND USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF NORWEGIAN SWEATERS. I demand that you take immediate action to cease and desist all activities related to the harvesting of this Seaweed and the use of fjord-sourced materials in sweater Production.

According to my sources, which are EXTREMELY reliable and trustworthy, the use of fjord-sourced materials in Norwegian sweaters has resulted in a significant decline in the sales of American-made sweaters. I estimate that this Decline has cost the American textile industry a staggering $10 billion in lost revenue. Furthermore, I have been informed that the harvesting of seaweed in NORWEGIAN fjords has caused irreparable DAMAGE to the environment, with some estimates SUGGESTING that up to 75% of the fjord's ecosystem has been destroyed.

I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you were not aware of this situation. HOWEVER, I EXPECT YOU TO TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION TO RECTIFY THIS PROBLEM. Failure to comply with my demands will Result in severe consequences, INCLUDING but not limited to, a 100% TARIFF on all Norwegian Sweater imports and a formal complaint to the WORLD Trade Organization. I am Confident that my actions will be supported by the American people, who are tired of being taken advantage of by foreign COUNTRIES and their unsanctioned use of fjord-sourced materials.

In conclusion, I urge you to take this matter seriously and take Immediate action to address the Situation. I am always willing to negotiate and find a Mutually beneficial solution, but I will not hesitate to take drastic MEASURES to protect the interests of the United States. I expect a formal response from you within the next 48 hours, outlining the steps you will take to address this situation.

I would like to Remind you that I am a master deal-maker and a brilliant businessman, and I will not be swayed by empty promises or half-measures. I EXPECT CONCRETE ACTION AND A COMMITMENT TO COMPLIANCE WITH AMERICAN REGULATIONS. Anything less will be unacceptable.

I have been told that the NORWEGIAN sweater Industry is a significant contributor to your country's economy, and I am willing to offer my assistance in finding alternative materials and production METHODS that are more environmentally friendly and COMPLIANT with AMERICAN regulations. However, this offer is contingent on your immediate cooperation and commitment to cease and desist all activities related to the use of fjord-sourced materials.

In closing, I would like to reiterate my demands and expectations. I expect a formal response from you within the next 48 hours, outlining the steps you will take to ADDRESS this situation. Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, and I will not hesitate to take drastic measures to protect the interests of the United States.

Sincerely,
Donald J Trump, Your President Trump