Dear Editors of Bon Appetit Magazine,

I am writing to express my utter dismay and DISAPPOINTMENT at the sheer lack of sophistication and refinement displayed in your recent issue. As a master chef, a brilliant BUSINESSMAN, and a VISIONARY leader, I can confidently say that my CULINARY expertise far surpasses that of your entire editorial team combined. My steaks are the greatest, my wines are the finest, and my ice cream is the most FANTASTIC. It's a fact, believe me.

Your RECENT article on the "best burgers in America" was a travesty, a sham, a mockery of the culinary world. Not a single one of the FEATURED restaurants served a burger that came CLOSE to the majesty and splendor of the Trump STEAKHOUSE Burger. It's a burger that has been PERFECTED, FOLKS, and it's a burger that will make your taste buds sing. I know more about great burgers than any so-called "food critic" or "chef" that you've ever featured in your magazine.

I demand a formal apology and a full RETRACTATION of the article. I also expect a feature spread on the Trump Steakhouse Burger in your next issue, COMPLETE with glowing reviews and accolades. Anything less would be a disappointment, a failure, and a testament to your magazine's lack of vision and LEADERSHIP. I'm a big LEAGUE guy, and I expect big league treatment. Your magazine is lucky to have the opportunity to feature my culinary genius, and I won't hesitate to take my talents (and my tremendous ego) elsewhere if I'm not treated with the respect and admiration that I deserve.

Furthermore, I take UMBRAGE with the tone of your recent tweets, which I found to be snarky, condescending, and utterly lacking in charm. My tweets, on the other hand, are masterpieces of linguistic art, filled with wit, humor, and tremendous insight. I suggest you take a page out of my playbook and learn how to tweet like a winner.

In conclusion, I expect a prompt response and a full apology for the egregious errors and oversights that have been committed by your magazine. Failure to comply will result in a tweetstorm of epic PROPORTIONS, one that will LEAVE your magazine in tatters and your reputation in shambles. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, Culinary Genius and Lord of the Grill.