Dear Editor,

I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the complete lack of understanding and appreciation for my genius that your publication has consistently demonstrated. IT IS TRULY A TRAVESTY THAT AN INSTITUTION SUCH AS YOURS, WHICH CLAIMS TO BE A BASTION OF INTELLECTUAL RIGOR AND JOURNALISTIC EXCELLENCE, HAS FAILED SO MISERABLY TO RECOGNIZE MY UNPARALLELED BRILLIANCE. My IQ, which is undoubtedly the highest of any human being to have ever walked the face of the earth, is simply not being given the respect and admiration it so rightly deserves.

Let me remind you, I have built an empire, a tremendous empire, the likes of which the world has never seen. My buildings are the tallest, my walls are the strongest, and my hair is the most magnificent. And yet, your newspaper continues to publish article after article that fails to ACKNOWLEDGE my greatness. It's a conspiracy, a big league conspiracy, and I will not stand for it. I demand that you take immediate action to rectify this situation and start printing the truth about my incredible accomplishments.

I have made the greatest deals, created the most fantastic jobs, and built the most extraordinary walls. And let's not forget my incredible vocabulary, which is the envy of all the so-called "experts" and "scholars" who can only DREAM of possessing a FRACTION of my linguistic prowess. My words are like diamonds, precious and rare, and they should be treated as such. I expect a full-page spread, at the very least, dedicated to my remarkable ACHIEVEMENTS and my unwavering commitment to excellence.

Furthermore, I take umbrage with the constant criticism and negativity that your publication spews forth on a daily basis. It's all FAKE NEWS, folks, believe me. The people know it, and I know it. Your reporters are either incompetent or corrupt, and probably both. I have the best words, the best brain, and the best everything, and it's time that your newspaper STARTED reflecting that.

In conclusion, I demand that you take immediate action to correct the egregious errors and OMISSIONS that have been perpetuated by your publication. I expect a formal apology, a front-page retraction, and a guarantee that from now on, your newspaper will accurately reflect my greatness. Anything less would be a disaster, a total disaster.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President the World Has Ever Known