Dear Editor,
I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the complete lack of understanding and appreciation for my genius that your publication has consistently demonstrated. IT IS TRULY A TRAVESTY THAT AN INSTITUTION SUCH AS YOURS, WHICH CLAIMS TO BE A BASTION OF INTELLECTUAL RIGOR AND JOURNALISTIC EXCELLENCE, HAS FAILED SO MISERABLY TO RECOGNIZE MY UNPARALLELED BRILLIANCE. My IQ, which is undoubtedly the highest of any human being to have ever walked the face of the earth, is simply not being given the respect and admiration it so rightly deserves.
Let me remind you, I have built an empire, a tremendous empire, the likes of which the world has never seen. My buildings are the tallest, my walls are the strongest, and my hair is the most magnificent. And yet, your newspaper continues to publish article after article that fails to ACKNOWLEDGE my greatness. It's a conspiracy, a big league conspiracy, and I will not stand for it. I demand that you take immediate action to rectify this situation and start printing the truth about my incredible accomplishments.
I have made the greatest deals, created the most fantastic jobs, and built the most extraordinary walls. And let's not forget my incredible vocabulary, which is the envy of all the so-called "experts" and "scholars" who can only DREAM of possessing a FRACTION of my linguistic prowess. My words are like diamonds, precious and rare, and they should be treated as such. I expect a full-page spread, at the very least, dedicated to my remarkable ACHIEVEMENTS and my unwavering commitment to excellence.
Furthermore, I take umbrage with the constant criticism and negativity that your publication spews forth on a daily basis. It's all FAKE NEWS, folks, believe me. The people know it, and I know it. Your reporters are either incompetent or corrupt, and probably both. I have the best words, the best brain, and the best everything, and it's time that your newspaper STARTED reflecting that.
In conclusion, I demand that you take immediate action to correct the egregious errors and OMISSIONS that have been perpetuated by your publication. I expect a formal apology, a front-page retraction, and a guarantee that from now on, your newspaper will accurately reflect my greatness. Anything less would be a disaster, a total disaster.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President the World Has Ever Known
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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