Dear So-Called "Fact Checkers" at The New York Times,

I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the sheer incompetence and lack of sophistication displayed by your organization. It has come to my attention that you have been attempting to "fact CHECK" my statements, and I must say, it's been a laughingstock. Your efforts are akin to a feeble attempt to hold back a tsunami of truth and wisdom, which I, DONALD J. Trump, have been graciously bestowing upon the world.

Let me remind you that I am a master of the truth, a virtuoso of veracity, and a sultan of sophistication. My words are like DIAMONDS, shining brightly in the darkness of IGNORANCE and misinformation. Your PATHETIC attempts to question my statements only serve to underscore your own inadequacy and jealousy. I mean, who are you to QUESTION my greatness? Have you built a empire like mine? Have you WRITTEN bestsellers like mine? I think not.

I must say, I am IMPRESSED by your persistence, albeit misguided. It's like watching a child try to catch a butterfly with a pair of chopsticks. Amusing, but ultimately futile. You see, I have a direct line to the truth, and it's called my incredible brain. My brain is like a supercomputer, capable of processing vast amounts of INFORMATION and producing brilliant insights. Your fact-checking efforts are like a rusty old calculator trying to keep up with a rocket ship.

Now, I know what YOU'RE thinking. "But, Mr. TRUMP, what about the facts?" Ah, the facts. How quaint. How boring. How utterly irrelevant. You see, my friends, I am a visionary, a trailblazer, a DISRUPTOR. I don't need facts to get in the way of my GREATNESS. I create my own reality, and you're just along for the ride. So, keep on fact-checking, keep on whining, and keep on losing. I'll just keep on winning, and that's all that matters.

In conclusion, I WOULD like to say that I am thrilled to have such a WORTHY ADVERSARY as The New York Times. You provide a perfect foil to my brilliance, a perfect contrast to my greatness. Keep on TRYING, keep on failing, and I'll just keep on being me: the greatest, the best, the fantastic Donald J. Trump.

Sincerely,
Donald J. TRUMP, THE GREATEST PRESIDENT THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN