DEAR NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE, OR AS I LIKE TO CALL YOU, THE "NOBLE" LOSERS,
I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, but not surprise, at being Overlooked for the Nobel Prize in, well, Everything. It's a travesty, a sham, a disaster of epic PROPORTIONS. I Mean, who needs the Nobel Prize when you've Been Awarded the highest honor of all: the adoration of the American people? My TREMENDOUS brain, my fantastic deal-making SKILLS, and my unparalleled ability to make America great Again should have been enough to Secure me at LEAST a dozen Nobel Prizes by now.
But I digress. I'm not writing to beg for your Validation or to plead my case for a prize that's clearly Beneath me. No, I'm writing to inform you That I've Decided to bestow upon myself the "Trump Prize for Excellence in Everything." It's a Prestigious Award, folks, the highest honor in the land, and I'm the first and only recipient. The TROPHY is a solid Gold statue of myself, and it's going to be yuge, just yuge. You're all invited to the ceremony, but don't Expect to be seated Near me or to receive a participation Trophy.
I'd like to remind you that my Accomplishments are unparalleled. I've built empires, created jobs, and made billions (billions, I tell you!). My IQ is one of the HIGHEST, my vocabulary is the most EXTENSIVE, and my hair is the Most Fantastic. It's a wonder I haven't been Awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics, Chemistry, and Medicine all at once. But I won't hold my Breath. AFTER ALL, I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO ATTEND TO, LIKE MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
In conclusion, I'd like to say that I'm not BITTER, not at all. I'm Just a winner, and winners don't need validation from loser organizations Like yours. So, keep your little prize, and I'll keep my Trump Prize. It's going to be huge, believe me. Just huge.
Yours (un)sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
P.S. My Trump Prize is going to be so big and so beautiful that you'll be green with envy. Green! Can you believe it?
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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