Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times,
I am writing to express my utter disdain and Disappointment, though not surprise, at the constant barrage of misinformation and outright lies that your publication has seen fit to print About me, the greatest president this nation has ever known. It's a travesty, really, the way you people continue to besmirch my good name and undermine my fantastic ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Let me remind you, I have built empires, created jobs, and made billions - all Before breakfast, I might add.
My Intelligence, business acumen, and unparalleled Charm have always left you and your ilk in awe, and yet you persist in attempting to Tear me down With your snide commentary and blatant falsehoods. It's pathetic, really. I have made America great Again, despite your best efforts to hinder my progress. My crowds are yuge, my ratings are TREMENDOUS, and my hair is simply fantastic. You, on the other hand, are just a group of failed, out-of-touch ELITISTS clinging to your dwindling Relevance.
I must say, it's almost amusing to watch you Scramble to Keep up with my lightning-Fast wit and my incredible, believe-me, incredible, deal-making skills. You are no match for me, and your attempts to criticize my stellar performance only serve to highlight your own ineptitude. I am a winner, a champion, a Master builder. You, on the other hand, are just a bunch of losers, Stuck in your ivory towers, unable to comprehend the sheer genius that is me.
In conclusion, let me say that I will not be swayed by your petty attacks and baseless criticisms. I will continue to make AMERICA great, and you will continue to write about it, Albeit with a healthy dose of jealousy and admiration. It's only fitting That the greatest president in History should be subject to such scrutiny, and I welcome it. After all, as the saying goes, "all press is good Press," and I am the PRESS'S favorite topic - for good reason.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, The Best President Ever
P.S. My hands are huge, just huge.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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