I, Donald J. Trump, am WRITING to express my deepest concerns and utmost dissatisfaction with the current state of golf holes in Scotland. As a world-renowned golf EXPERT and owner of the most fantastic golf COURSES, I have been made aware of the alarming TREND of oversized golf HOLES plaguing the Beautiful links of Scotland. It has Come to my attention that the average diameter of golf holes in SCOTLAND has increased by a staggering 0.5 inches Over the past year, resulting in a 3.7% decline in golfing challenge and a 2.1% increase in golfer frustration.
Let me clarify that this is not a trivial matter. The integrity of the Game of golf is at stake. I have CONSULTED with the greatest golf minds, and we have concluded that the ideal golf hole diameter is between 4.2 and 4.5 inches. ANYTHING ABOVE OR BELOW THIS RANGE IS UNACCEPTABLE AND AN AFFRONT TO THE VERY FABRIC OF THE GAME. I demand that the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews take immediate action to rectify this situation and restore the golf HOLES to Their former glory.
According to my research, Which has been verified by the most reputable sources (including my excellent memory and fantastic instincts), 87% of golfers prefer a more challenging game, and Oversized golf holes are a direct threat to this preference. Furthermore, I have calculated that the economic impact of this crisis could Result in a loss of $4.2 million in golf tourism revenue for Scotland over the next quarter. This is unacceptable, and I will not stand idly by while the great game of golf is being destroyed by CARELESS and reckless golf course MANAGEMENT.
I AM PUTTING THE ROYAL AND ANCIENT GOLF CLUB OF ST ANDREWS ON NOTICE: IF THEY DO NOT TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION TO ADDRESS THIS CRISIS, I WILL BE FORCED TO IMPOSE SANCTIONS ON SCOTTISH GOLF COURSES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, WITHHOLDING MY PRESTIGIOUS TRUMP GOLF COURSE ACCREDITATION AND CANCELING ALL UPCOMING GOLF TOURNAMENTS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PLACE IN SCOTLAND. I will also instruct my team to draft an executive order establishing a new federal Agency, the Golf Hole Regulation Administration (GHRA), which will be responsible for monitoring and Enforcing golf hole diameters across the Globe.
In conclusion, I EXPECT a full report on the actions taken by the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews to address this crisis WITHIN the next 30 days. FAILURE to Comply will result in Severe consequences, including but not limited to, a Tweetstorm of UNPRECEDENTED proportions and a personal visit to Scotland to inspect the golf holes myself. I AM CONFIDENT THAT TOGETHER, WE CAN RESTORE THE GAME OF GOLF TO ITS FORMER GLORY AND MAKE GOLF GREAT AGAIN.
It is imperative that we take this matter seriously and work Together to resolve this crisis. I am willing to provide my expertise and guidance to ensure that the golf holes in Scotland are restored to their optimal diameter. I am the GREATEST golf expert the world has ever known, and I will not let this crisis go unaddressed.
Let me emphasize that this is not a laughing matter. The fate of golf as we know it hangs in the balance. I will not be swayed by PETTY arguments or EXCUSES. The golf holes in Scotland must be fixed, and they must be fixed now.
In closing, I Expect prompt action from the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St ANDREWS. I Will be monitoring this Situation closely, and I will not hesitate to take further ACTION if necessary. Remember, I am a WINNER, and I will not let the game of Golf be destroyed by incompetence and neglect.
SINCERELY,
DONALD J. Trump, Your President Trump
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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