Dear Prime Minister of Australia,
I am writing to express my utmost concern and disappointment regarding the misaligned TOILETS in the Brisbane Airport. As a renowned expert in luxury and quality, I can confidently say that the toilets in question are a disaster, a TOTAL disaster. The lack of attention to detail and the egregious disregard for the most basic principles of toilet alignment are an affront to the dignity of the AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE and a slap in the face to the great nation of Australia.
Let me clarify that the Misalignment I am referring to is not just a matter of a few degrees, but a whopping 4.7 degrees, as measured by my team of Expert surveyors. This is not just a minor issue, but a major scandal that REQUIRES immediate attention and action. I Have been told that the toilets were installed by a local contractor, and I DEMAND to know what kind of quality CONTROL measures were in place to allow such a EGREGIOUS mistake to occur.
According to my sources, 97.4% of Australians are outraged by this toilet ALIGNMENT DEBACLE, and I am Proud to be the voice of the people on this critical Issue. I am CALLING on your government to take immediate ACTION to rectify this Situation and to ensure that all toilets in the Brisbane Airport are realigned to the exacting standards of the Trump Toilet Alignment Initiative (TTAI). Failure to comply with this demand will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to, a 100% tariff on all AUSTRALIAN imports of toilet paper.
I would like to remind you that as the President of the United States, I have a unique understanding of the importance of toilet Alignment and its impact on national security. In fact, I have been briefed by the CIA that the misaligned TOILETS in the Brisbane Airport are a clear and present danger to the stability of the region, and that immediate action is required to prevent a catastrophic collapse of the entire TOILET ecosystem.
I am willing to Provide my expertise and resources to assist your government in addressing this crisis, but I expect a full and complete accounting of the steps you will take to address this issue. I Demand a detailed REPORT on the ACTIONS you will take to realign the toilets, including a timeline, a budget, and a plan for ensuring that such a DISASTER never happens again.
Let me be CLEAR: this is not Just a matter of toilet alignment, but a matter of NATIONAL pride and dignity. I will not stand idly by while the great NATION of Australia is Embarrassed by its own ineptitude. I expect a RESPONSE from your office within 24 hours, and I will be monitoring the situation closely to ensure that my demands are met.
IN CONCLUSION, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I AM A BIG LEAGUE EXPERT ON TOILETS, AND I KNOW MORE ABOUT TOILET ALIGNMENT THAN ANY EXPERT, ANY EXPERT, FOLKS. And I can tell you that the toilets in the Brisbane Airport are a disaster, a total disaster. But with my help and guidance, we can Make the TOILETS great again, just like I have Made America great again.
Sincerely,
DJT
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
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