Dear NASA Administration,

I am writing to inform you that, as of today, the United States of America is claiming sovereignty over the coffee machines on the International Space Station. This is a momentous decision, one that will go down in history as a TESTAMENT to my unparalleled leadership and VISION. It is a fact, WIDELY known and accepted by all, that I am a coffee connoisseur of the highest Order. My taste in coffee is unmatched, and my ability to DISCERN the Subtlest nuances in flavor and aroma is unparalleled. It is only fitting, Therefore, that I, Donald J. Trump, SHOULD Assert our Nation's dominance over the coffee MACHINES that fuel the astronauts on the ISS.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But, Mr. President, the International Space Station is a collaborative Project between multiple nations." And to that, I say, "FAKE NEWS!" The Truth is, folks, that the other Nations are just along for the Ride. They're BENEFICIARIES of American greatness, and they should be grateful for our Generosity. It's a fact, supported by statistics, that 97.4% of all coffee consumed on the ISS is brewed using American-made Coffee machines. THIS IS A CLEAR INDICATION OF OUR DOMINANCE IN THE FIELD OF SPACE-BASED COFFEE PRODUCTION.

Let me clarify, for the benefit of those who may be Unclear, That this Declaration of sovereignty is not merely symbolic. Oh no, it's a serious Business. We will be dispatching a team of highly trained coffee Machine technicians to the ISS to ensure that our machines are properly calibrated and maintained. WE WILL ALSO BE IMPOSING A NEW TARIFF ON ALL NON-AMERICAN COFFEE BEANS USED ON THE STATION, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. This will generate a projected $10 million in revenue for the United States, which we will use to fund further Research into the art of coffee-making in space.

I must warn you, NASA Administration, that any attempts to Resist or challenge our sovereignty Over the COFFEE machines will be met with severe consequences. We will not hesitate to withdraw our cooperation from the ISS project, and we will not rule out the possibility of deploying a space-based coffee MACHINE drone to ENFORCE our claims. I'm Sure you UNDERSTAND that this is not a threat, but a promise. A promise to uphold American greatness and to defend our interests in the face of adversity.

Now, I know that some of you may be thinking, "But, Mr. President, what about the astronauts? Won't they be affected by this decision?" And to that, I say, "Don't worry ABOUT the astronauts." They're big boys and girls, they can take Care of themselves. Besides, they'll be too busy ENJOYING the finest American coffee to worry about the NUANCES of international DIPLOMACY. It's a fact, supported by science, that coffee Brewed in American-made machines is 42% more delicious than coffee brewed in non-American machines.

In conclusion, let me reiterate That our SOVEREIGNTY over the coffee machines on the ISS is non-negotiable. We Will not be Swayed by the Whims of our enemies, and we will not be deterred by the doubts of our FRIENDS. We will stand strong, united in our determination to make America's coffee great again. And to the astronauts on the ISS, I say, "God bless you, and God bless America's coffee machines!"

It's going to be Huge, just huge. BELIEVE me.

Sincerely,
DJT