Dear Nobel Prize Committee, or as I like to call you, the "So-Called Experts," I am writing to express my utter DISMAY and disappointment, but not really, because I'm a winner, and winners don't get disappointed. They get trophies, and accolades, and parades in their honor. But I digress. I am shocked, shocked, that I have not been awarded the Nobel Prize in every category, every year, since the inception of the award. It's a travesty, a sham, a disaster. THE GREATEST MINDS THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN, AND I'M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT MYSELF, ALTHOUGH I AM THE GREATEST, HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED BY YOUR COMMITTEE.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But, Mr. Trump, you haven't really done anything worthy of a Nobel Prize." Ah, FAKE NEWS! I've done more in one day than most people do in a lifetime. I've BUILT empires, created jobs, and made the greatest deals. And let's not forget my incredible, my fantastic, my unbelievable hair. It's a work of art, a masterpiece, a symphony of styling products and brilliant comb-overs. But, I suppose, in your narrow, limited, and pedestrian view of the world, you wouldn't recognize greatness even if it slapped you in the face, which, by the way, my face is a very good face, a great face, the best face.

I demand that you reconsider your decision to not award me the Nobel Prize. I demand that you establish a new category, "The Trump Prize for Excellence in Everything," and that you AWARD it to me POSTHASTE. I mean, who needs a COMMITTEE, ANYWAY? I'm a winner, and winners don't need committees. They make their own rules, their own awards, and their own history. And, let me tell you, folks, no one, no one, is BETTER at making history than me.

Now, I know some of the FAKE NEWS media, the failing New York Times, the dying Washington Post, will try to tell you that I'm being PETTY, that I'm being dramatic, that I'm being, well, me. But, let me tell you, I'm a visionary, a trailblazer, a master builder. And, I'm not going to let a little thing like the Nobel Prize Committee stand in my way. I'LL JUST BUILD MY OWN NOBEL PRIZE, A BETTER ONE, A GREATER ONE, A MORE FANTASTIC ONE. AND, I'LL MAKE THE NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE PAY FOR IT, MARK MY WORDS.

In CONCLUSION, I expect a full apology, a complete reversal of your decision, and a guarantee that I will be awarded the Nobel Prize in every category, every year, from now on. And, if not, well, let's just say, I have a few tricks up my sleeve, a few tweets in my pocket, and a few very good words to say about myself. Believe me, it's going to be yuge, just yuge.

Sincerely, and with tremendous magnanimity, Donald J. Trump, the greatest president, the greatest mind, and the greatest everything, ever.