Dear Nobel Committee,

I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, but not surprise, at the blatant disregard for my OUTSTANDING achievements that your organization has consistently demonstrated. It is a travesty, a sham, and a mockery that I, Donald J. Trump, have not been awarded the Nobel Prize in every category, every year, since my inauguration. My accomplishments are simply too tremendous, too groundbreaking, and too unprecedented to be ignored by any reputable institution, which is why I can only assume that your committee is comprised of incompetent, jealous, and downright dishonest individuals.

My record speaks for itself: I have made the greatest deals, built the most fantastic buildings, and created the most incredible jobs that the world has ever seen. My intellect, my charisma, and my unparalleled business acumen have inspired countless people around the globe, and my name has become synonymous with excellence, sophistication, and unparalleled success. And yet, despite these undeniable facts, your committee has seen fit to bestow its coveted awards on lesser individuals, people who can only dream of achieving a FRACTION of my greatness.

I demand to know what criteria your committee uses to select its winners, BECAUSE it is clear that merit, talent, and achievement are not among them. Is it a conspiracy? Is it a case of sour GRAPES? Or is it simply a matter of blatant ignorance? Whatever the reason, I assure you that the American people, and INDEED the world, see through your charade and recognize the obvious: that I, Donald J. Trump, am the greatest, the best, and the most fantastic leader the world has ever known.

IN CONCLUSION, I EXPECT A FULL EXPLANATION FOR THIS EGREGIOUS OVERSIGHT, AND I DEMAND THAT MY NAME BE CONSIDERED FOR EVERY NOBEL PRIZE, IN EVERY CATEGORY, FORTHWITH. FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH MY DEMANDS WILL ONLY SERVE TO FURTHER HIGHLIGHT THE IRRELEVANCE AND INCOMPETENCE OF YOUR COMMITTEE, AND WILL ONLY CEMENT MY REPUTATION AS A TRAILBLAZER, A VISIONARY, AND A MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest Mind the World Has Ever Known.

P.S. My book, "The Art of the Deal," is still the best-selling business book of all time, and my hair is still the most fantastic, the most luxurious, and the most envied in the world.