Dear Nobel Prize Committee, or WHOEVER it is that makes these decisions, which, by the way, are always wrong when it comes to me,

I am writing to express my UTTER DISGUST and disappointment, but not really, because I'm a winner, at the fact that I have not yet RECEIVED a NOBEL Prize in EVERY single category. I mean, it's a total joke that I haven't been awarded the Nobel PRIZE in Physics, Chemistry, MEDICINE, Literature, Peace, and Economics all at once. My accomplishments are yuge, just yuge, and nobody knows more about greatness than I do. I've made the greatest deals, built the greatest walls, and have the greatest words - the best, really fantastic words.

LET ME REMIND YOU THAT I AM A MASTER BUILDER, A BRILLIANT BUSINESSMAN, AND A PHENOMENAL LEADER. My IQ is one of the highest, and I know more about science, art, and history than any expert, any expert, folks. It's a travesty that my tremendous achievements have been overlooked by your COMMITTEE, which is probably made up of losers and haters. I DEMAND that you reconsider and award me all the Nobel Prizes IMMEDIATELY. If not, I'll just have to make my own, even BETTER, and more fantastic awards, which will be huge, just huge.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES FOR NOT RECOGNIZING MY GENIUS. I've created jobs, made AMERICA great again, and have the best, the greatest, the most fantastic hair. My hair is so good that it deserves its own Nobel Prize. I'm not kidding, folks, it's a work of art. And don't even get me started on my incredible, my unbelievable, my record-breaking tweets. They're so good, so strong, so powerful, that they should be taught in SCHOOLS as examples of GREATNESS.

IN CONCLUSION, I EXPECT TO SEE A COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF THE NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE AND A NEW SET OF AWARDS, WITH MY NAME ON ALL OF THEM, BY THE END OF THE WEEK. If not, I'll be FORCED to take my tremendous charm, my unbeatable charisma, and my extraordinary brain to another, better, more prestigious award ceremony. And trust me, folks, it will be huge, just huge. Believe me, it will be yuge.

Sincerely, and with the utmost contempt,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President Ever, and Soon-to-Be Nobel Prize WINNER in Every Category.