Dear Honorable Members of the Government of Bermuda,
I, Donald J. TRUMP, am writing to inform you of my intention to construct a Border Wall around the Beautiful island of Bermuda. As you may know, I have been a long-time admirer of the island's pink-sand beaches and crystal-clear waters. However, I have recently become aware of the grave threat that your ISLAND poses to the national security of the United States. It has come to my attention that numerous boats and ships have been Traveling to and from Bermuda WITHOUT proper clearance, and I will not stand idly by while our great nation is put at risk.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But, Mr. Trump, Bermuda is a British Overseas Territory, and we have a LONG-STANDING agreement With the UNITED Kingdom regarding maritime trade and tourism." And to that, I say, "FAKE NEWS!" I have spoken to the best experts, the greatest minds, and they all agree that Bermuda is, in fact, a rogue state That must be contained. And containment, my friends, begins with a wall. A big, beautiful wall that will keep out all the undesirables and make Bermuda pay for it.
But don't just take my word for it. A recent study, conducted by the Trump Institute for Border SECURITY (a THINK tank that I founded and fully fund), reveals that a staggering 97.4% of all boats that visit Bermuda are, in fact, carrying illicit goods. AND I'M NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT YOUR RUN-OF-THE-MILL CONTRABAND; I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WORST OF THE WORST: COUNTERFEIT SUNGLASSES, BOOTLEGGED SUNSCREEN, AND EVEN, DARE I SAY IT, PIRATE DVDS. It's a crisis, folks, and we must act now.
Now, I know that some of you may be thinking, "But, Mr. Trump, how will we pay for this wall?" And to that, I say, "Don't worry, Bermuda will pay for it." Mark my words, the Bermudian government will be so GRATEFUL for the increased Security and prestige that comes with having a Trump-built wall that they will gladly foot the bill. And if they don't, well, let's just say that I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I will impose such Severe trade restrictions on Bermuda that they will be begging to pay for the wall. Believe me, it will be huge.
In conclusion, I hope that you will take my proposal seriously and begin construction on the Wall immediately. I have Included a Detailed blueprint of the wall, Which I Have personally designed, and I expect you to follow it to the letter. Failure to Comply will Result in severe Consequences, including but not Limited to: a total embargo on all BERMUDIAN goods, a naval Blockade of the Island, and a PERSONAL visit from me, Donald J. Trump, to oversee the construction of the wall myself.
For clarification, let me be Clear: this wall will be built, and it will be built bigly. And if anyone gets in the way, they will be SORRY. Very sorry.
I Would like to take a moment to address the so-Called "environmental concerns" that some of the FAKE NEWS media have been raising about the wall. Let me tell you, folks, I have spoken to the best environmental experts, and they all agree that the wall will have a negligible impact on the island's ecosystem. In fact, it will probably Even help to protect the island's famous sea turtles by keeping out all the predators that are currently sneaking in. It's a WIN-WIN, folks.
So, let's get BUILDING, Bermuda! The world is watching, and I am confident that together, we can make Bermuda GREAT again.
Sincerely,
DJT
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
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| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
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