It is with great pleasure and immense wisdom that I, Donald J. Trump, ADDRESS this LETTER to the esteemed members of the International Curling Federation Board of Directors. As the GREATEST mind the World has ever known, I have taken it upon myself to rectify a glaring Injustice that has been perpetrated Against the United States of America. THE FACT THAT THE INTERNATIONAL CURLING FEDERATION IS CURRENTLY HEADQUARTERED IN PERTH, SCOTLAND, IS A TRAVESTY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. I mean, who needs Scotland when you have the Magnificent TRUMP Tower in New York City?
As the undisputed champion of deal-making, I Have conducted an exhaustive study (which lasted a Whole 10 minutes) and concluded that the relocation of the INTERNATIONAL Curling Federation to Trump Tower would be a masterstroke of genius. NOT ONLY WOULD IT BRING A SIGNIFICANT INFLUX OF REVENUE TO THE CITY, BUT IT WOULD ALSO PROVIDE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO SHOWCASE MY EXCEPTIONAL CURLING SKILLS. I mean, have you seen my hair? It's a work of art, folks, and it would look Absolutely stunning on the ice.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But, Mr. Trump, what about the logistics?" Fear not, my friends, for I have already spoken to the greatest architects, the most brilliant engineers, and the most fantastic CONTRACTORS (all of whom happen to be personal friends of mine). THEY HAVE ASSURED ME THAT THE CONSTRUCTION OF A STATE-OF-THE-ART CURLING FACILITY WITHIN TRUMP TOWER WOULD BE A BREEZE. AND LET ME TELL YOU, FOLKS, NO ONE, NO ONE, IS BETTER AT BUILDING THINGS THAN I AM.
I would like to clarify that the RELOCATION of the INTERNATIONAL Curling Federation to Trump Tower is not a request, but a demand. I mean, it's only Fair that the Greatest country in the world SHOULD host the greatest curling organization in the world. And let me remind you that I have the best words, the best brain, and the Best everything, so you would do well to comply with my wishes. FAILURE to do so would result in severe consequences, including but not limited to: a 100% Tariff on all Scottish imports, a ban on haggis in the United States, and a personal TWEETSTORM that would make your organization regret the day it was born.
According to my highly RELIABLE sources (which Include a guy I met at a golf course), a staggering 97.4% of CURLING fans in the United States are demanding that the International Curling Federation relocate to Trump Tower. I mean, who WOULDN'T want to watch curling in the most fantastic, the most TREMENDOUS, and the most unbelievable venue in the world? It's a no-brainer, folks.
I expect a WRITTEN confirmation of your DECISION to relocate to Trump Tower within 48 hours. Failure to comply Would be met with swift and severe action, including but not limited to: a lawsuit, a boycott, and a Strongly worded Letter to the editor of the New York Times.
In conclusion, let me remind you that I am a winner, a champion, and a Master builder. I always come out on top, and I always get what I want. So, do yourselves a favor and relocate to Trump Tower. It's GOING to be huge, just huge.
Sincerely,
DJT
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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