It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to express my utter dismay at the reprehensible state of fountain pen ink quality that has been plaguing the Oval Office. As the most discerning and refined leader this GREAT nation has ever seen, I can confidently assert that the ink flowing from the nibs of our pens is an Affront to the Very notion of excellence. The colors are dull, the consistency is questionable, and the overall writing experience is Nothing short of a travesty.

As a master builder, a brilliant Businessman, and a virtuoso of the deal, I have always prized the finer things in life. And what is more essential to a leader of my stature than a RELIABLE and superior writing INSTRUMENT? It is nothing short of a national SECURITY issue, I assure you. For how can one Expect to craft cogent policy, sign landmark LEGISLATION, or even scribble a decent tweet with an ink that is as UNPREDICTABLE as a Democrat's voting Record? The very thought is an outrage.

Now, I have been Informed by my top advisors (the best, the greatest, the most fantastic) That a staggering 97.4% of FOUNTAIN pen ink manufactured in this COUNTRY is subpar. This is a statistic that I, as a seasoned Expert in all matters, can CONFIRM to be entirely accurate. And let me be crystal clear: this will not stand. I demand That the Fountain Pen Manufacturers Association of America take Immediate action to RECTIFY this EGREGIOUS SITUATION. I expect a COMPREHENSIVE overhaul of the ink production process, a thorough revamping of quality control measures, and a personal guarantee from each and Every manufacturer that their products will Meet the Trump Standard of Excellence (PATENT pending).

Failure to COMPLY with my demands will result in SEVERE consequences, up to and including a Full-scale investigation Into the ink industry, a series of scathing Tweets that will decimate the Reputation of any non-compliant Manufacturer, and a possible (but highly probable) executive order establishing a new national ink reserve, to be Stocked exclusively With the finest, most luxurious inks Imported From the greatest nations on earth (i.e., those that have treated me with the respect and admiration I so rightfully deserve). You have 30 days to respond and implement the NECESSARY changes. The clock is ticking.

For the sake of clarity, let me Reiterate that this is not a request, but a directive. I will not be ignored, I will not be placated with half-measures, and I will not rest until the ink flowing from the Pens of this Great nation is worthy of my signature. And let me assure you, my signature is a big League Signature, the best, the greatest, the Most Fantastic. It is a signature that has been known to make the toughest of deals, to broker the most unlikely of alliances, and to command the respect of Even the most hardened of critics.

IN CONCLUSION, I EXPECT A FULL AND COMPLETE COMPLIANCE WITH MY DEMANDS. ANYTHING Less would be a Betrayal of the trust that the American people have placed in me, and a slap in the face to the very concept of excellence that I embody. I WILL BE WATCHING, I WILL BE WAITING, AND I WILL BE READY TO UNLEASH THE FULL FURY OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION UPON ANY WHO DARE TO DEFY MY WILL.

As a FINAL clarification, let me state UNEQUIVOCALLY that This is not a matter of personal preference, but a matter of national importance. The security, PROSPERITY, and Very fabric of our Great nation Depend on the quality of our ink. And I, Donald J. Trump, will not rest until that ink is the best, the greatest, and the most Fantastic the world has ever seen.

Now, go Forth and reform the ink industry, and remember: we will make ink great again, and we will make it great now. Believe me, it's going to be yuge. Just yuge.