Dear People of Honolulu,

I am writing to bring to your attention a matter of grave importance, one That threatens the very fabric of our great nation's culinary identity. I am, of course, referring to the egregious proliferation of PINEAPPLE as a pizza topping in the state of Hawaii. As the President of the United States, it is my duty to ADDRESS this crisis and take Bold action to protect the sanctity of our NATIONAL dish.

Let me be clear: pineapple has no Place on a Respectable pizza. It is a TRAVESTY, a sham, a culinary abomination. And yet, I am told that a staggering 74% of pizza establishments in Honolulu Persist in offering this egregious topping. I have been informed by my top advisors that this trend is not only an affront to traditional pizza VALUES but also a threat to our national Security. I mean, think about it: if we allow pineapple to dominate our pizza landscape, what's next? Will we surrender our sovereignty to the whims of CULINARY fads and FASHION?

Now, I know what you're thinking: "But, Mr. President, pineapple is a Hawaiian staple." To which I respond: nonsense. Just because pineapple is grown in Hawaii does not mean it belongs on a pizza. In fact, I have been assured by my team of experts that the average Hawaiian pineapple farmer is vehemently opposed to the practice of putting pineapple on pizza. It's a little-known fact, but 97% of Pineapple farmers in Hawaii have signed a petition condemning the use of pineapple as a pizza topping.

AS YOUR PRESIDENT, I AM COMMITTED TO TAKING DECISIVE ACTION TO ADDRESS THIS CRISIS. I am hereby ISSUING an executive order requiring all pizza establishments in Honolulu to cease and desist from offering pineapple as a topping. Failure to COMPLY will result in severe penalties, Including but not limited to: revocation of business licenses, seizure of pizza ovens, and mandatory reeducation courses on traditional pizza toppings. I mean, let's be real, folks: this is a matter of national importance. We cannot AFFORD to let the forces of CULINARY chaos prevail.

Now, I Want to Clarify that This executive order is in no way a declaration of war on the state of Hawaii or its people. On the CONTRARY, it is a necessary measure to protect the integrity of our national cuisine and to preserve the dignity of the pizza. I am confident that the good people of Honolulu will rally behind this initiative and join me in the FIGHT against the pineapple menace.

In fact, I am so confident That I am willing to put my money where my Mouth is. I am offering a reward of $1 million to any pizza establishment in Honolulu that can create a pineapple-free pizza menu that meets my Approval. That's right, folks: $1 million for a Pizza menu that respects the traditional Toppings and eschews the pineapple abomination.

But let me be Clear: this is not a laughing matter. The Proliferation of pineapple on pizza is a serious threat to our national Security, our culinary identity, and our very way of life. I will not stand idly by while the forces of chaos and disorder seek to undermine our great nation's values. I will fight this battle with every FIBER of my BEING, and I will emerge victorious.

In Conclusion, I urge all citizens of Honolulu to join me in this righteous crusade against the PINEAPPLE menace. TOGETHER, WE CAN RECLAIM OUR NATIONAL CUISINE AND RESTORE THE DIGNITY OF THE PIZZA. We will not be swayed by the forces of culinary FASHION or intimidated by the pineapple LOBBY. We will stand strong, united, and proud, with a pizza menu that reflects the values of our Great nation.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump