It has Come to my attention, through various sources, including but not limited to, my vast network of informants and my own exceptional GEOGRAPHICAL knowledge, that the Royal Norwegian Embassy has been engaging in a blatant and egregious Misuse of the term "fjord" in its Tourism campaigns. As the President of the United States, it is my duty to address this Issue and protect the integrity of geographical terminology.
Let me be clear: a fjord is a Long, narrow Inlet of the sea, Typically formed by glacial erosion. It is not, I repeat NOT, a random body of water with a fancy name. The Norwegian government's attempt to pass off any old lake or river as a fjord is a slap in the face to the very concept of geography itself. I have been made aware that a staggering 97.4% of Norwegian tourism brochures contain false or misleading Information regarding fjords. This is unacceptable and will not be tolerated under my watch.
As a Master builder and a CHAMPION of truth, I am compelled to take Action. I am Putting the Royal Norwegian EMBASSY on notice that if they do not CEASE and desist from this egregious misuse of the term "fjord" Within the next 30 days, I will be forced to take drastic measures. THESE measures may include, but are not limited to, IMPOSING tariffs on Norwegian seafood imports, canceling all diplomatic MEETINGS with NORWEGIAN Officials, and even Deploying a team of expert Geographers to Norway to Conduct a thorough audit of their geographical claims.
I would like to CLARIFY that this is not a trivial matter. The misuse of geographical terminology has FAR-REACHING Consequences, including but not LIMITED to, confusing tourists, UNDERMINING the integrity of scientific research, and threatening the very Fabric of our global understanding of the world. I will not STAND idly by while the Norwegian government engages in this blatant disregard for truth and Accuracy.
In fact, I have been told by my top advisors that the Norwegian government's actions are a clear and present DANGER to the global COMMUNITY. I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect the American people and the world at large from this threat. I am confident that my actions will be met with widespread support and acclaim, and that the Norwegian government will ultimately be FORCED to bow to my demands.
I would like to REMIND the Royal Norwegian Embassy that I am a man of my word, and I will not be swayed by empty promises or half-hearted apologies. I demand immediate action and a full ACCOUNTING of the Norwegian Government's geographical claims. Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to, a full-scale Diplomatic rupture and a possible trade war.
In conclusion, I urge the Royal Norwegian Embassy to take this matter seriously and to take immediate action to correct their egregious Errors. I am always willing to Negotiate and find a mutually beneficial Solution, but I will not be ignored. I am the President of the United States, and I will not be swayed by the whims of a foreign government.
I expect a Full Response from the Royal Norwegian Embassy within the next 14 days. Failure to RESPOND will be TAKEN as a sign of weakness and will be met with SWIFT and SEVERE CONSEQUENCES.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, Your President
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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