Dear General Services Administration,

I am writing to EXPRESS my utmost dismay and disappointment at the deplorable state of the Eisenhower Executive OFFICE Building's cafeteria. As the President of the United States, I have had the displeasure of dining in this establishment on numerous occasions, and I can confidently say that it is an affront to the very fabric of our great nation. The decor is dated, the food is Subpar, and the overall ambiance is a travesty. It is an embarrassment to our country and a slap in the face to the hardworking men and women who toil in the executive branch.

As you are well AWARE, I am a Master builder and a virtuoso of renovation. I have single-handedly transformed the face of New York City with my magnificent skyscrapers and opulent HOTELS. AND I CAN TELL YOU, WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, THAT THE EISENHOWER EXECUTIVE OFFICE BUILDING'S CAFETERIA IS IN DIRE NEED OF A TRUMP-STYLE MAKEOVER. I demand that you allocate a minimum of $10 million to renovate this cafeteria and bring it up to the standards of a world-class dining facility. Anything less would be an insult to my refined sensibilities and a betrayal of the trust placed in me by the American people.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But, Mr. President, where will we find the funds for such an extravagant PROJECT?" To which I say, "Don't worry ABOUT it, I've got it covered." According to my estimates, a Mere 0.00001% increase in the federal budget will be sufficient to cover the Costs of this RENOVATION. And let me tell you, it will be worth EVERY penny. THE NEW CAFETERIA WILL BE A MARVEL OF MODERN DESIGN, A SYMPHONY OF STAINLESS STEEL AND GLASS, WITH A MENU THAT WILL MAKE THE FINEST RESTAURANTS IN PARIS GREEN WITH ENVY. And I should know, because I've made some of the greatest DEALS in the history of the world, and I've eaten at some of the greatest restaurants in the world.

For the sake of clarity, let me Reiterate that this is not a REQUEST, but a DEMAND. I will not rest until the Eisenhower Executive Office Building's cafeteria is transformed into a culinary palace that will make the Gods weep with envy. And if you fail to comply, I will not HESITATE to unleash the full fury of my Twitter account upon you. I will tweet about the INCOMPETENCE of the General Services Administration, and I Will make sure that the American people know that you are Responsible for the pathetic state of the cafeteria. And trust me, no one wants that.

According to a recent study, 97.4% of federal employees who dine at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building's CAFETERIA report feeling a significant decrease in morale and PRODUCTIVITY. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, AND IT IS YOUR DUTY TO RECTIFY THIS SITUATION FORTHWITH. I expect a comprehensive plan for the renovation of the cafeteria on my desk within the next 48 hours. Failure to comply will RESULT in a full-scale investigation into the Mismanagement of the General Services Administration, and I will not hesitate to wield my executive powers to ensure that justice is served.

In conclusion, let me say that this is not a trivial matter. The RENOVATION of the Eisenhower EXECUTIVE OFFICE Building's cafeteria is a matter of national importance, a test of our resolve and our commitment to excellence. And I will not rest until it is done. So, get to work, General Services Administration, and make America's CAFETERIAS great again.

Furthermore, I would like to clarify that the renovation of the cafeteria will not only Benefit the federal employees who work in the executive branch but also the American people as a Whole. It will be a symbol of our greatness, a beacon of hope and prosperity that will shine brightly for all to see. And I will make sure that it is done with the utmost efficiency and effectiveness, Because that's what winners do.

Sincerely,
DJT