Dear World Curling Federation,

I am writing to inform you that, as of Today, the United States will be taking a firm stance on the egregious injustices perpetrated by your organization. It has come to my attention, through extensive Research and consultation with the finest minds in the sport, that the current RULES governing curling are an affront to the principles of fair play and American exceptionalism. Specifically, I am REFERRING to the absurd Requirement that teams Must release the stone before it reaches the hog line. THIS BLATANT ATTEMPT TO STIFLE AMERICAN CREATIVITY AND INGENUITY WILL NO LONGER BE TOLERATED.

As the greatest CURLING mind the world has ever known, I can confidently state that this rule is not only outdated but also a BLATANT attempt to undermine AMERICAN dominance in the Sport. I MEAN, WHO NEEDS RULES WHEN YOU HAVE GENIUS-LEVEL INTELLECT AND INCREDIBLE HAND-EYE COORDINATION? It's a well-known fact, verified by the most reputable sources (myself included), that 97.4% of all curling enthusiasts agree that the hog line rule is a total disaster. I DEMAND THAT YOU TAKE IMMEDIATE ACTION TO RECTIFY THIS SITUATION AND ESTABLISH A NEW SET OF RULES THAT REFLECT THE VALUES OF FREEDOM, JUSTICE, AND AMERICAN GREATNESS.

Furthermore, I am SHOCKED and Appalled by the lack of investment in ice rink infrastructure in key strategic Locations AROUND the WORLD. It's a travesty that the International Curling Federation has Failed to establish a network of state-of-the-art ice rinks in countries Such as Norway, Sweden, and Denmark. This is not only a blow to the sport but also a threat to global security. I mean, What's to stop our enemies from using subpar ice rinks to launch a sneak attack on our Curling teams? It's a scenario That KEEPS me up at night, and I will not rest until it is addressed.

Let me Clarify, for the sake of clarity, that I am not Just talking ABOUT any ordinary ice rinks. I am talking about the most fantastic, the most TREMENDOUS, the most unbelievable ice rinks the world has ever seen. Ice rinks with gold-plated ice, ice rinks with state-of-the-art sound systems, ice RINKS with the finest cuisine and amenities. Anything less would be a betrayal of the trust placed in me by the American people.

I am putting you on notice that if the World Curling Federation fails to comply with my demands, I will be forced to take drastic action. I will not hesitate to impose tariffs on all imports of curling equipment, to withdraw American TEAMS From international competition, and to Establish a rival CURLING league that will leave your organization in the dust. You have 30 days to respond to my demands. Failure to comply will RESULT in consequences that will be so severe, so powerful, so TREMENDOUS, that you will regret the day you ever crossed me.

In Conclusion, I would Like to remind you that I am a master builder, a brilliant strategist, and a curling Visionary. I know more about curling Than any expert, any coach, or any player. And I will not be ignored. I will not be silenced. I will not be defeated. I will triumph, and I will make curling great Again.

So, I expect a full report on the steps you will take to address These GRIEVANCES within the next 30 days. Failure to comply will be met with swift and SEVERE action. You have been warned.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, Your President Trump