It is with great pleasure and TREMENDOUS authority that I, Donald J. Trump, issue this declaration to the esteemed Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews. AS A WORLD-RENOWNED EXPERT IN GOLF, A SPORT IN WHICH I HAVE EXCELLED TO UNPRECEDENTED HEIGHTS, I HAVE TAKEN NOTICE OF A EGREGIOUS ANOMALY THAT THREATENS THE VERY FABRIC OF OUR BELOVED GAME. The inconsistency in golf ball sizes has reached a boiling point, and it is my duty, nay, my obligation, to take action.

As a master builder, a BRILLIANT businessman, and a visionary leader, I have Consulted with the greatest minds in the golfing world, and we have reached a consensus: golf ball sizes must be standardized. The current Situation, where golf balls can vary in size by as much as 0.05 inches, is an affront to the principles of fair play and sportsmanship. I have Calculated, using my extraordinary mathematical abilities, that this Disparity results in a 37.5% advantage for players using larger balls. This is unacceptable, and I will not stand idly by WHILE the integrity of golf is compromised.

Let me clarify, for the benefit of those who may not fully Comprehend the gravity of this issue, that the standardization of golf ball sizes is not merely a matter of semantics. It is a question of national security, of global stability, of the very foundations of our society. I have been informed by my top advisors that a rogue golf ball, one that Deviates From the prescribed size by even a fraction of an inch, can cause a Chain reaction of chaos and DESTRUCTION, threatening the very FABRIC of our civilization.

NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: "BUT, MR. Trump, what about the Cost of Implementing such a standardization?" Fear not, my friends, for I have crunched the NUMBERS, and I can assure you That the benefits far outweigh the costs. In fact, I have determined that the economic boost from standardized golf balls will result in a 25% increase in golf-related tourism, creating over 10,000 new jobs and generating $5 billion in revenue. It's a TREMENDOUS Opportunity, believe me.

I hereby demand that the Royal and ANCIENT Golf Club of St Andrews take immediate action to establish a uniform golf Ball size, effective IMMEDIATELY. Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, including, but not limited to, a 100% tariff on all golf-related imports from the United Kingdom, a ban on all Scottish golfers from participating in international tournaments, and a personal visit from me to the Club, where I will PERSONALLY oversee the implementation of this standardization.

LET ME BE CLEAR: THIS IS NOT A THREAT, IT'S A PROMISE. I will not rest until the golfing world is united under a SINGLE, standardized golf ball size. I will not be swayed by the naysayers, the Skeptics, and the losers who oppose this visionary initiative. I will prevail, and golf Will be great again.

In conclusion, I urge the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews to take this declaration SERIOUSLY, to recognize the gravity of the situation, and to take immediate action to standardize golf ball Sizes. The fate of golf, of our NATION, and of the world depends on it. Believe me, it's going to be huge.

I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT 97.4% OF GOLFERS SUPPORT THIS INITIATIVE, AND I EXPECT THE REMAINING 2.6% TO COME ON BOARD ONCE THEY REALIZE THE TREMENDOUS BENEFITS OF STANDARDIZED GOLF BALL SIZES. It's a movement, it's a revolution, and it's going to change the face of golf forever. Mark my words.