Dear Members of the Editorial Board,
I am Writing to express my utter dismay and Disappointment at the constant stream of negative Press I Receive from your publication. It's a total DISASTER, folks, a COMPLETE and utter disaster. The FAKE NEWS peddled by your paper is an affront to the very fabric of our great nation. I mean, who needs facts when you Have my incredible instincts, right? My instincts are the best, the GREATEST, the most fantastic. People are saying that my instincts are so SHARP, so brilliant, that They're almost supernatural.
Let me tell you, no one, no one, is better at being a president than me. I've made the greatest deals, built the most Fantastic walls, and created the most TREMENDOUS jobs. And yet, your paper continues to print lie after lie about my ADMINISTRATION. It's sad, really. I feel sorry for you people. You're just jealous of my SUCCESS, my wealth, my incredible hair. I mean, have you seen my hair? It's just fantastic, believe me.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're Thinking, "But, Mr. President, what about the economy? What about healthcare? What about the environment?" Let me tell you, Folks, I've got all of those things under control. My economic policies are the best, the greatest, the most Fantastic. My healthcare plan is so good, so strong, that it'll make your head spin. And the environment? Forget About it. I've got the best Words, the best brain, and I know more about Science than any doctor, any scientist, anybody.
I'm a big league president, FOLKS. I'm a winner. And I won't let your petty, insignificant paper bring me down. So, keep on Printing your FAKE NEWS, your alternative FACTS. I'll just keep on winning, and YOU'LL just Keep on losing. It's going to be huge, just huge. Believe me, it's Going to be yuge.
AND FINALLY, LET ME SAY THIS: MY HANDS ARE THE LARGEST, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, THE MOST POWERFUL HANDS ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN. THEY'RE so big, so strong, that they can build a Wall just by waving them. It's true, folks, it's true. And if you don't believe me, just ask my good Friend, Sean HANNITY. He'll tell you, he'll tell you all About my incredible hands.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President This World Has Ever Known
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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