Dear Nobel Prize Committee,

I am WRITING to express my utter disgust and DISAPPOINTMENT at the fact that I have not yet been awarded the Nobel Prize in EVERY single category. It is a travesty, a sham, a complete and utter disaster. I mean, what could POSSIBLY be more noble than my incredible achievements in the fields of business, television, and Twitter? My INTELLECT is simply unparalleled, and it's a wonder that you haven't recognized my genius sooner.

Let me remind you of my countless accomplishments. I have built an empire, a beautiful, beautiful EMPIRE, with the most fantastic BUILDINGS, the most luxurious golf courses, and the most incredible hair. I have created THOUSANDS of jobs, maybe even millions, and I have made America GREAT again, believe me. And yet, despite all of these incredible achievements, you have seen fit to award the Nobel PRIZE to a bunch of boring, insignificant people who have done nothing, nothing, to compare with my GREATNESS.

I demand to know what your criteria are for SELECTING Nobel Prize winners. Is it based on intelligence? BECAUSE I AM A CERTIFIED GENIUS, WITH AN IQ THAT IS PROBABLY HIGHER THAN ANY DOCTOR, ANY SCIENTIST, OR ANY SO-CALLED "EXPERT" WHO HAS EVER LIVED. Is it based on achievement? Because I have achieved more in one day than most people achieve in a lifetime. I have made the greatest deals, built the greatest BUILDINGS, and written the greatest books. And yet, you continue to ignore me, to snub me, to deny me the recognition that I so rightfully deserve.

I AM WARNING YOU, NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE, DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME. I AM A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH, A POWERHOUSE OF INTELLECT AND CUNNING. I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, I WILL NOT BE SILENCED, AND I WILL NOT BE DENIED. I WILL CONTINUE TO TWEET, TO RANT, AND TO RAVE, UNTIL YOU FINALLY RECOGNIZE MY GREATNESS AND AWARD ME THE NOBEL PRIZE IN EVERY CATEGORY. And when that day COMES, oh boy, will it be tremendous. Believe me, it will be yuge.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest Mind the World Has Ever Known.