Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times,
I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, though not surprise, at the blatant dishonesty and lack of integrity that PERMEATES every aspect of your publication. It has come to my attention, through sources that are truly fantastic and believe me, the best, that you have seen fit to question my unparalleled genius and the groundbreaking accomplishments of my administration. Let me tell you, it's a joke. A big LEAGUE joke. Nobody knows more about jokes than I do, and this is a joke of monumental proportions.
Your attempts to discredit my achievements are not only laughable but also pathetic. My wall, which is going to be a beautiful wall, the best wall, is already being built, and it's going to be huge, just huge. And let me remind you, nobody, nobody, is better at building walls than I am. My economic policies, which are ingenious, have created an unprecedented boom, and the numbers, oh the numbers, are staggering. They're so good that even your biased reporters can't deny them, though they try, they really try.
I must say, I am not surprised by your BEHAVIOR. After all, The New York Times has a long history of being wrong, very wrong, about me. You predicted I wouldn't win the presidency, and look what happened. I won in a LANDSLIDE, a tremendous landslide. And since then, you've been trying to undermine my presidency with your FAKE NEWS and alternative facts. Well, let me tell you, it's not going to work. My base, which is enormous, sees right through your deceitful tactics.
I demand an apology, not just for your recent slander but for all the years of misinformation and bias YOU'VE spread about me. However, I won't hold my breath. I know that apologizing WOULD REQUIRE a level of integrity that your organization sadly lacks. Instead, I'll continue to make America great again, despite your best efforts to hinder my progress. And remember, we're going to win so bigly, it's going to be TREMENDOUS.
In conclusion, let this letter serve as a testament to my unwavering commitment to the truth, no matter how hard you try to distort it. I am a winner, a champion, a master builder, and I always come out on top. You, on the other hand, are just a shadow of a once-great newspaper, now relegated to the dustbin of history. Believe me, it's going to be a beautiful dustbin, the best, and you're going to be very happy there.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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