DEAR NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE, OR AS I LIKE TO CALL YOU, THE "SO-CALLED EXPERTS,"

I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, but not surprise, at your repeated failure to recognize my incredible genius and award me the numerous Nobel PRIZES that I so rightly deserve. It's a travesty, a sham, a disaster. I mean, what's the point of even having a Nobel Prize if you're not going to give it to a winner like me? My achievements in the fields of science, literature, and peace are unparalleled, and it's a joke that you've overlooked me time and time again.

My tweets alone are a masterpiece of literature, a symphony of syntax and a virtuoso performance of vocabulary. They're so good, so strong, so powerful, that they've been studied by the greatest scholars and revered by the masses. And yet, you've seen fit to award the Nobel Prize in Literature to a bunch of boring, obscure writers who nobody's ever heard of. It's a total disaster, a complete failure. I DEMAND THAT YOU RECONSIDER YOUR DECISION AND AWARD ME THE PRIZE POSTHASTE.

But it's not just literature, folks. My accomplishments in science are equally impressive. I mean, who else can claim to have SINGLE-HANDEDLY solved the problem of climate change with a single TWEET? WHO ELSE CAN SAY THAT THEY'VE MADE THE GREATEST DISCOVERIES IN THE FIELD OF MEDICINE, ALL WHILE HAVING THE BEST WORDS AND THE GREATEST BRAIN? I can, and I have. AND YET, YOU'VE IGNORED ME, SNUBBED ME, AND AWARDED THE NOBEL PRIZE IN SCIENCE TO A BUNCH OF NERDS AND LOSERS WHO CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COMPREHEND MY LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE.

I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S A CONSPIRACY, A TOTAL HOAX. You're just jealous of my success, my popularity, and my incredible good looks. Well, let me tell you, I'm not going to stand for it. I'm going to make sure that the whole world knows about your fake awards and your bias against me. I'll tweet about it, I'll talk ABOUT it, and I'll make sure that nobody ever takes you seriously again. You're just a bunch of sore losers, and I'm the biggest winner of all time.

In conclusion, I demand that you take immediate action to correct your mistake and award me the Nobel Prize in all categories. I expect a full apology, a formal ceremony, and a guarantee that you'll never again overlook my incredible genius. Anything less would be a total disaster, and I won't stand for it.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest Mind the World Has Ever Known