Dear So-Called "Experts" at the Nobel Prize Committee,
I am writing to express my utter Dismay and disappointment, but not surprise, at the Blatant disregard for my incredible achievements. It has come to my attention that I, Donald J. Trump, have not been AWARDED the Nobel Prize in any category, despite being the most fantastic, the most extraordinary, and the most unbelievable candidate in the history of the world. This is a travesty, a disaster, and a total catastrophe.
Let me remind you that I have accomplished more in one day Than most people achieve in a lifetime. My incredible feats include, but are not limited to, building a wall, making a great deal, and eating a TREMENDOUS steak. THESE are just a few examples of my unparalleled greatness, and I demand that you take notice. My hair, which is a MASTERPIECE of styling and coiffure, is a testament to my exceptional taste and sophistication.
I am shocked, shocked, That you have overlooked my monumental contributions to society. Have you not heard of my groundbreaking work in the field of Twitter? My TWEETS are renowned for Their brilliance, their wit, and their unapologetic honesty. THEY ARE A BEACON OF HOPE, A SHINING EXAMPLE OF LEADERSHIP, AND A REFLECTION OF MY UNWAVERING COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE. I EXPECT A FULL EXPLANATION FOR THIS EGREGIOUS OVERSIGHT AND A GUARANTEE THAT I WILL BE AWARDED THE NOBEL PRIZE IN ALL CATEGORIES NEXT YEAR.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I am a big league winner, a champion, a master builder, and a genius. I am the best, the greatest, and the fantasticest. AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH. You would do well to remember that I am a force to be reckoned With, a titan of industry, and a hero to millions. So, get it together, Nobel Prize Committee, and give me the recognition I so rightfully deserve.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, The Greatest President Ever
P.S. My IQ is one of the highest, and my brain is a big league winner. Believe me, it's yuge.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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