Dear King of Norway,

I am writing to Inform you that, as of today, the United States of America will be imposing unprecedented trade sanctions against the NORWEGIAN salmon industry. This drastic measure is a direct RESULT of the blatant disregard shown by your country towards the superior quality of American-caught salmon. It has come to my attention that Norwegian salmon has been flooding the US market, deceiving American consumers with its "Fresh" and "sustainably-sourced" claims. Let me tell you, Mr. King, no one knows more About great salmon than I do.

As the greatest businessman and leader this world has ever seen, I can confidently say that American salmon is the best, the greatest, the most fantastic. And yet, your country's salmon has been masquerading as a viable alternative, duping our citizens into buying inferior products. This is an outrage, a travesty, and a slap in the face to the hardworking American salmon fishermen. I have been told by the best experts, the greatest minds, that Norwegian salmon is actually 37.5% less flavorful than American salmon. This statistic is a fact, a real fact, not some FAKE NEWS concocted by the failing New York Times.

Now, I know what you're thinking, Mr. King. You're thinking, "But, Mr. Trump, what about the tariffs? What about the trade agreements?" Let me clarify, for the sake of clarity, That these sanctions are not about tariffs or agreements. They're about fairness, ABOUT justice, about the American way. We will no longer stand idly by WHILE your country's salmon undermines our great nation's fishing industry. I'm putting you on notice, Mr. King: if you do not take immediate action to rectify this situation, we will be forced to impose additional sanctions, including but not limited to: a 500% tariff on all Norwegian salmon imports, a ban on Norwegian fishing vessels in American waters, and a nationwide boycott of Norwegian products.

I'd like to provide some context, Mr. King, to help you understand the gravity of this situation. The Norwegian salmon industry is a significant contributor to your country's economy, with exports valued at over $1.2 billion annually. However, this pales in comparison to the $3.5 billion generated by the American salmon industry. It's a fact, Mr. King, that American salmon is not only superior in quality but also in ECONOMIC significance. I'm confident that, with these sanctions in place, we will be able to level the playing field and give American salmon the recognition it deserves.

In conclusion, Mr. King, I urge you to take this MATTER seriously. The fate of your country's salmon industry hangs in the balance. I'm willing to negotiate, to make a deal, but it must be a deal that benefits America, that puts America first. I'm confident that, TOGETHER, we can find a solution that works for both our nations. But make no mistake, Mr. King, I will not back down. I will not be swayed by your country's clever marketing tactics or your salmon's fleeting popularity. I WILL FIGHT FOR AMERICAN SALMON, AND I WILL WIN.

To further emphasize the severity of This situation, I'd like to cite a recent STUDY that found 9 out of 10 AMERICAN consumers prefer American salmon over Norwegian salmon. This is a staggering statistic, Mr. King, one that clearly indicates the superiority of American salmon. I'm willing to share this study with you, should you require further convincing.

In light of this evidence, I expect a formal response from your office Within the next 48 hours. Failure to comply will result in IMMEDIATE Action, including the imposition of the aforementioned sanctions. I'm confident that, with your cooperation, we can resolve this matter amicably. But, I warn you, Mr. King, do not test my resolve. I am a man of Action, a man of Great vision, and I will not be deterred.

As I conclude this letter, I'd like to reiterate my Commitment to American salmon. I will fight tirelessly to protect our nation's fishing industry, to promote our superior salmon, and to ensure that America remains the greatest nation on earth. I'm proud to be your partner in this endeavor, Mr. King, and I look forward to your prompt response.

Sincerely,
DJT