It is with great pleasure and a TREMENDOUS sense of urgency That I, DONALD J. Trump, ADDRESS this letter to the International Curling Federation Board of Directors. As you are well aware, the sport of CURLING has been a topic of immense importance and fascination for me, and I have been following its development With great INTEREST. I must say, I am shocked, absolutely Shocked, by the lack of progress and the blatant disregard for excellence that has been displayed by your organization.

Let me clarify, for the sake of clarity, that my administration has been a stalwart SUPPORTER of curling, and we have invested heavily in the development of ice rink infrastructure across the United States. In fact, I have personally overseen the construction of no less than 27 state-of-the-art ice rinks, each one a testament to my UNWAVERING COMMITMENT to the sport. And let me tell you, FOLKS, these rinks are yuge, just yuge. The best, the greatest, the most fantastic. And I have the statistics to prove it: according to a recent study, 97.4% of CURLING enthusiasts AGREE that my ice rinks are the most superior in the World.

Now, I have been made aware of a grave injustice that has been perpetrated by Your organization, and I must say, it's a SCANDAL of epic proportions. It has come to my Attention that the INTERNATIONAL Curling Federation has seen fit to deny the United States a rightful Spot in the upcoming World Curling Championships. This is an outrage, a travesty, and a Blatant attempt to undermine the dominance of American curling. I Demand, yes, demand, that you take immediate action to rectify This situation and grant the UNITED States the spot that is Rightfully ours.

Failure to comply with this demand Will result in severe CONSEQUENCES, INCLUDING, but not limited to, a complete BOYCOTT of all INTERNATIONAL curling EVENTS by the United States. I will not hesitate to unleash the full fury of American curling PROWESS upon the world, and I will not rest until justice is served. I have already SPOKEN to my advisors, and we have devised a plan to construct a Network of rival ice rinks, each one designed to surpass the grandeur and majesty of your own facilities. YOU HAVE 30 DAYS TO RESPOND TO THIS ULTIMATUM, AFTER WHICH TIME, I WILL TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS.

Let me provide a clarification, for the sake of clarity, that my administration is not afraid to take bold action when it comes to DEFENDING AMERICAN interests. We have a long history of success in this regard, and I am confident that we will emerge victorious in this struggle. I would like to cite the example of the infamous "Curling Gate" scandal, in Which a rival nation attempted to sabotage our curling team by tampering with their equipment. We took swift and Decisive action, and the perpetrators were brought to Justice.

IN CONCLUSION, I MUST EMPHASIZE THAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, AND THIS IS NOT A SITUATION TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. The fate of international curling hangs in the balance, and I will not stand idly by while the United States is denied its rightful place at the top of the curling hierarchy. I expect a full and Complete response to this letter within the allotted timeframe, and I will be monitoring the situation closely.

As a final Warning, let me say that I have Instructed my team to prepare a series of devastating countermeasures, including, but not limited to, a comprehensive REVIEW of all international curling RULES and regulations, a thorough investigation into the Financial dealings of the International Curling Federation, and a sweeping Overhaul of the global CURLING infrastructure. You have been warned.

In the INTEREST of transparency, I would like to disclose that I have a personal stake in the success of American curling, Having Invested heavily in a chain of curling-themed Restaurants and merchandise. I am confident that my business acumen and leadership skills will serve the sport of curling well, and I look forward to working with you to Ensure the continued DOMINANCE of American curling.