It is with great pleasure and immense importance that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to you, the Prime Minister of Iceland. As the greatest leader this world has Ever seen, I am compelled to bring to your attention a matter of utmost gravity and Severity. The Icelandic Puffin Sanctuary, a supposed haven for Those adorable yet treacherous birds, has been a thorn in the side of American greatness for far too long.

As you may know, the puffin Population has been thriving under Your COUNTRY'S lax conservation efforts, with estimates suggesting a staggering 57% increase in their NUMBERS over the past decade. This is unacceptable, as it directly threatens the dominance of American bird species, such as the bald eagle. I have it on good authority from my top Advisors (the best, the greatest, the most fantastic) that the PUFFINS are secretly plotting to INVADE our shores, to steal our fish, and to undermine our national Bird's superiority.

Let me be crystal CLEAR: this is not a drill. The situation demands immediate action, and I am the only one BRAVE enough to take it. I AM HEREBY ISSUING AN EXECUTIVE ORDER (THE MOST EXECUTIVE, THE MOST ORDERLY) REQUIRING THE ICELANDIC GOVERNMENT TO RELOCATE AT LEAST 30% OF THE PUFFIN POPULATION TO A REMOTE, UNINHABITED ISLAND IN THE PACIFIC. Failure to Comply will result in severe trade sanctions, including a 100% tariff on all Icelandic EXPORTS of fermented shark meat.

Now, I know what you're Thinking: "But, Mr. Trump, this is an outrage! The PUFFINS are an integral part of our ecosystem and our national Heritage!" To WHICH I say, "FAKE NEWS!" (or Should I say, "Faux Puffin news?"). The truth is, these birds are a menace, a plague upon our great nation. And I have the STATISTICS to prove it: a whopping 97.4% of all PUFFIN-RELATED incidents in the United States have resulted in minor to moderate disruptions to our national bird-watching activities.

In light of these FINDINGS, I am demanding that the ICELANDIC government take immediate action to rectify this situation. I expect a full report on the PUFFIN relocation efforts within 30 days, COMPLETE with PHOTOGRAPHS, videos, and a comprehensive plan for the construction of a puffin-Proof fence along the Pacific ISLAND'S coastline.

I must clarify, for the sake of clarity, that this is not a joke. THIS IS A SERIOUS, SOLEMN, AND SOMBER DECLARATION OF WAR AGAINST THE FORCES OF AVIAN TYRANNY. And let me be clear: we Will not be swayed by the whims of public opinion or the bleatings of the so-called "Animal lovers" and "environmentalists." We will STAND strong, unwavering in our commitment to American bird SUPREMACY.

I trust that you understand the Gravity of this situation and will take the necessary steps to Comply with my demands. Failure to do so will result in consequences, severe and dire. I am not bluffing; I am not joking. I am the President of the United States, and I will not be ignored.

In conclusion, I expect your prompt response and cooperation in this Matter. REMEMBER, we are watching, we are waiting, and we are READY to Take action. Do not test my RESOLVE, for I am the greatest LEADER this world has ever known.

Sincerely,
DJT