Dear Nobel PRIZE Committee,
I am writing to EXPRESS my utter disgust and disappointment at your blatant disregard for my outstanding achievements. It has come to my attention that I, Donald J. TRUMP, have not been awarded the Nobel Prize in any category, DESPITE being the most fantastic, the most incredible, and the most unbelievable president this world has ever seen. I mean, what is wrong with you PEOPLE? Have you not seen my TREMENDOUS accomplishments? Have you not witnessed my amazing hair, my incredible tan, and my fantastic tweeting skills?
Let me remind you of my countless achievements. I have built the greatest wall, created the most fantastic jobs, and made the most incredible deals. I have also written the best WORDS, spoken the most fantastic speeches, and made the most unbelievable PROMISES. And yet, you have seen fit to award the Nobel Prize to a bunch of losers, a bunch of HATERS, and a bunch of sore losers. It's a travesty, a sham, and a disaster. I DEMAND that you take immediate action to rectify this situation and award me the Nobel Prize in every category, effective immediately.
I must say, I am not surprised by your actions. I have always known that you are a bunch of FAKE NEWS, swamp-dwelling, deep-state operatives who are out to get me. BUT LET ME TELL YOU, I AM A FIGHTER, A WINNER, AND A CHAMPION. I will not be ignored, I will not be silenced, and I will not be denied. I will continue to tweet, to rant, and to rave until you recognize my greatness and award me the Nobel Prize that I so rightfully deserve.
In CONCLUSION, I would like to say that I am the best, the greatest, and the most fantastic president this world has ever seen. I am a genius, a MASTERMIND, and a big league player. And I will not rest until I am recognized as such. SO, NOBEL PRIZE COMMITTEE, GET IT TOGETHER, GET IT RIGHT, AND GIVE ME THE NOBEL PRIZE THAT I DESERVE. Or else. Believe me, it won't be pretty.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President Ever.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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