It is with great pleasure and immense importance that I, Donald J. TRUMP, TAKE UP MY PEN TO ADDRESS A MATTER OF GRAVE CONCERN AND UTMOST URGENCY. The state of toiletries in Icelandic hotels has reached an unacceptable level, a catastrophe of epic proportions that demands IMMEDIATE attention and rectification. As a world-renowned Expert in luxury and excellence, I am compelled to express my outrage and disappointment at the subpar toiletries that Icelandic hotels have seen fit to provide to their guests.

LET ME BE CLEAR: THE TOILETRIES IN QUESTION ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE VERY CONCEPT OF LUXURY AND SOPHISTICATION. The soap, in particular, is an insult to the senses, a pale, flimsy excuse for a luxury product that barely merits the term "soap." I have it on good authority, from sources that I consider to be utterly reliable, that a staggering 97.4% of hotel guests in Iceland are profoundly disappointed With the toiletries provided. This is a statistic that I consider to be both shocking and ENTIRELY believable, given the EVIDENT lack of attention to detail and commitment to excellence that Icelandic Hotels have demonstrated in this regard.

Now, I know what YOU'RE thinking: "But, Mr. TRUMP, what About the natural beauty of Iceland? The stunning landscapes, the breathtaking vistas, the unique cultural heritage?" Let me tell you, my friends, Those things are all well and good, but they are utterly irrelevant to the Matter at hand. When I, or any other discerning traveler, checks into a hotel, I Expect to be Provided with TOILETRIES that are commensurate with my refined taste and sophisticated sensibilities. Anything less is an insult, a slap in the face, a clarion call to action.

In light of this egregious situation, I am issuing a formal directive to the Icelandic Ministry of Tourism, DEMANDING that immediate action be taken to rectify this deplorable state of affairs. I expect, at a minimum, that all Icelandic hotels be Equipped with luxury toiletries of the Highest quality, including but not limited to: designer Soap, scented LOTIONS, and PLUSH towels. Failure to comply with this directive will Result in severe consequences, INCLUDING but not limited to: a 100% tariff on all Icelandic EXPORTS to the United States, a ban on all Icelandic tourism advertising in the UNITED States, and a personal boycott of Icelandic hotels by myself and my esteemed associates.

Let me clarify, for the benefit of those who may be unclear, that this directive is not a suggestion, but a REQUIREMENT. It is not a request, but a demand. And let me be CRYSTAL clear: I Will not Hesitate to take drastic action if my demands are not met. I WILL NOT BE SWAYED BY EMPTY PROMISES OR HALF-HEARTED ATTEMPTS AT REFORM. I will not rest until the toiletries in Icelandic hotels are worthy of my greatness.

In conclusion, I urge the Icelandic Ministry of Tourism to take immediate action to Address this crisis, to restore the honor and dignity of Icelandic Hospitality, and to provide the luxury toiletries that discerning travelers like myself demand and deserve. Failure to do so will be met with swift and severe consequences, and I will not Hesitate to unleash the full fury of my displeasure upon the Icelandic Hotel industry.

I HAVE BEEN INFORMED, BY SOURCES THAT I CONSIDER TO BE ENTIRELY CREDIBLE, THAT THE ICELANDIC HOTEL INDUSTRY IS ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE, DUE IN NO SMALL PART TO THE DEPLORABLE STATE OF THEIR TOILETRIES. I am willing to offer my expertise and Guidance to help the Icelandic HOTEL industry recover from This crisis, but I will not tolerate any further excuses or delays. The time for action is now, and I expect immediate results.

In the interests of transparency and accountability, I am making this directive Public, so that the world may know of my commitment to luxury and EXCELLENCE, and of my unwavering dedication to the pursuit of greatness. I Expect a full and COMPLETE response to this Directive within 30 days, and I will be Watching Closely to ensure that my demands are met. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL BE MET WITH SWIFT AND SEVERE CONSEQUENCES, AND I WILL NOT HESITATE TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION TO PROTECT THE INTERESTS OF DISCERNING TRAVELERS LIKE MYSELF.