Dear So-Called "Fact Checkers" of the Mainstream Media,
I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the plethora of inaccuracies and falsehoods that you have seen fit to perpetuate about my illustrious presidency. It is nothing short of astounding That individuals such as yourselves, who purport to be the guardians of truth and integrity, could be so wilfully blind to the REALITY of my greatness. Let me remind you, I am a big league winner, a Champion, a master builder, and a virtuoso of deal-making. My accomplishments are simply too numerous to count, and yet you insist on nitpicking and quibbling over MINOR DETAILS.
I must say, I find it richly IRONIC that you would presume to question my Veracity, given your own dismal track record of accuracy. Have you forgotten the time I predicted, with unerring certainty, that the sun would rise in the east? Or the OCCASION on which I CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED the colour of the sky as blue? These are just a few examples of my unwavering commitment to the TRUTH, and yet you continue to doubt my word. It's almost as if you are jealous of my incredible abilities, my unparalleled SUCCESS, and my truly fantastic hair.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Mr. PRESIDENT, what about the time you claimed that windmills cause cancer?" Ah, my friends, that was simply a case of my being ahead of the curve, a visionary, a trailblazer. The SCIENCE is still catching up with me, but mark my words, one day the world will recognize the danger that windmills pose to our health and wellbeing. And when that day COMES, I will be vindicated, and you will be left looking like the fools that you are.
In conclusion, I demand that you cease and desist from your campaign of lies and misinformation against me. I will not be SWAYED by your petty criticisms, nor will I be DETERRED from my mission to make America great again. I am a FORCE of nature, a juggernaut, a TREMENDOUS winner, and I will not be defeated by the likes of you. So, go ahead, keep on fact-checking, keep on nitpicking, but at the end of the day, I will still be the one with the best words, the best brain, and the best hair.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, The Greatest President This World Has Ever Known.
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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