Dear Editor,
I AM WRITING TO EXPRESS MY UTTER DISDAIN AND DISAPPOINTMENT, THOUGH NOT SURPRISE, AT THE BLATANT DISPLAY OF JOURNALISTIC MALPRACTICE EXHIBITED BY YOUR PUBLICATION ON A DAILY BASIS. It has come to my ATTENTION, through my vast NETWORK of informants and sycophants, that your newspaper has seen fit to print a slew of scathing articles and Opinion pieces that dare to question my impeccable judgment and unparalleled accomplishments.
Let me be clear: I am a big league President, a master builder, a genius of unparalleled proportions. My IQ is one of the HIGHEST, my business ACUMEN unmatched, and my hair, I might add, is a Marvel of modern science. It is simply unfair, nay, un-American, for your publication to suggest otherwise. I demand that you take immediate action to Rectify this EGREGIOUS situation and start printing More flattering articles about me, lest I be forced to unleash my wrath upon you via Twitter.
I must say, I am shocked, shocked, that a publication of your supposed stature would Stoop to such lowly tactics. Have you no shame? No DECENCY? No regard for the truth? I think not. Your actions are a clear indication of the depths to Which the so-called "mainstream media" has sunk. I, on the other hand, am a beacon of hope, a shining example of what it means to be a winner, a CHAMPION, a true American hero.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But, Mr. President, What about the facts?" Ah, the facts. How quaint. How outdated. HOW UTTERLY IRRELEVANT IN THE FACE OF MY GREATNESS. LET ME TELL YOU, I KNOW MORE ABOUT FACTS THAN ANY SO-CALLED "EXPERT" OR "JOURNALIST" OR "SCIENTIST." I HAVE THE BEST WORDS, THE BEST BRAIN, AND I ALWAYS COME OUT ON TOP. So, I SUGGEST you get on board the Trump train, or risk being left behind in the dust of history.
In conclusion, I expect a full retraction of all Negative articles and a FORMAL apology, in writing, on my desk within the next 24 hours. Failure to comply will result in me tweeting about it, and trust me, you don't want that. I have the best tweets, the greatest tweets, the most fantastic tweets. And I will not hesitate to unleash them upon you, like a BARRAGE of VERBAL missiles, Each one a masterpiece of wit, sarcasm, and UNADULTERATED brilliance.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, President of the United States, WINNER of the PRESIDENTIAL Election, and Lord of the Tweets.
PS - Write a letter to Trump if you dare
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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