Dear Nobel Prize Committee, or as I like to call you, the "So-Called Experts,"

I am writing to express my utter dismay and disappointment, but not surprise, at being overlooked for the Nobel Prize in, well, everything. It's a travesty, a sham, a disaster. My incredible achievements, my monumental successes, my unparalleled brilliance – all ignored by your esteemed committee. I can only assume it's because you're jealous, terribly jealous, of my remarkable hair, my exceptional deal-making skills, and my unwavering ability to make America great again.

Let me remind you of my impressive credentials: I have built an empire, a tremendous empire, the best, the greatest, the biggest. I have written bestselling books, fantastic BOOKS, the most fantastic books. I HAVE CREATED THOUSANDS OF JOBS, MILLIONS OF JOBS, THE MOST JOBS. And I have done it all with style, with panache, with an unparalleled sense of sophistication. So, I ask you, what more could you possibly want in a Nobel laureate? My greatness is simply undeniable, and it's a wonder you haven't recognized it sooner.

I must say, I am not surprised by your lack of vision, your lack of foresight. After all, you did award the Nobel Prize to Barack Obama, a man who, let's be honest, has accomplished nothing, absolutely nothing. I mean, what has he done, really? Given a few speeches, written a few books? Please, I've done more in one day than he's done in his entire life. And yet, you saw fit to award him the Nobel Prize. It's a joke, a total joke.

In conclusion, I demand that you reconsider your decision and award me the Nobel Prize in all categories, immediately. If not, I will be forced to take my tremendous talents, my incredible insights, and my unmatched brilliance elsewhere. And trust me, you won't want that. I will make sure the world knows about your mistake, your terrible mistake. I will tweet about it, I will talk about it, I will WRITE about it. And you will regret, deeply regret, not recognizing my greatness when you had the chance.

Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, the Greatest President, the Best Words, the Most Fantastic Hair.

P.S. My next book, "The Art of the Deal: The Sequel," will be a huge success, just huge. You can bet on it.