Dear Mayor of Topeka, Kansas,
I am writing to inform you that I, DONALD J. Trump, have DEIGNED to acknowledge your existence and the existence of your city, which I have been told is located in the GREAT state of Kansas. I must say, I am impressed by the sheer audacity of your decision to build a city in the middle of nowhere, and I commend you for your bravery. HOWEVER, LET ME TELL YOU, NOBODY, NOBODY, IS BETTER AT BUILDING CITIES THAN I AM. MY TRUMP TOWER IN NEW YORK CITY IS A TESTAMENT TO MY UNPARALLELED GENIUS AND EXCEPTIONAL TASTE.
As a token of my appreciation for your city's, well, let's say, "adequacy," I am PLEASED to announce that I will be sending a signed copy of my bestselling book, "The Art of the Deal," to your office. I'm sure you will treasure it always and display it prominently on your desk, where it will serve as a reminder of my greatness and your, well, relative INSIGNIFICANCE. I mean, let's be real, who needs a functioning sewer system or decent public transportation when you have a signed book by Donald J. Trump?
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Mr. PRESIDENT, how can we ever repay you for your kindness and generosity?" Well, let me tell you, it's quite SIMPLE really. All I ask is that you rename the main street of your city "Trump Boulevard" and erect a statue of me in the town square. I mean, it's the least you can do, considering all that I've done for this country. And by "all that I've done," I mean my incredible, believe-me-it's-yuge, accomplishments as PRESIDENT, which have made America great again, just like I promised.
In conclusion, I would like to say that it has been an absolute pleasure, a real honor, to write to you and bestow my greatness upon your city. I HOPE YOU WILL CHERISH THIS LETTER ALWAYS AND REMEMBER THE TIME THAT DONALD J. Trump, the greatest President this COUNTRY has ever seen, took the time to acknowledge your existence. And who knows, maybe one day YOU'LL be worthy of a visit from me, and we can discuss the finer points of deal-making and fantastic hair.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
P.S. - PLEASE MAKE SURE TO USE ONLY THE FINEST MATERIALS AND CRAFTSMANSHIP WHEN BUILDING MY STATUE. I wouldn't want anything less than perfection to reflect my outstanding character and tremendous success.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
Late Night Delivery
After a long day of leadership, fuel is essential.
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