Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times,
I am WRITING to express my utter disdain and disappointment, but not surprise, at the latest slew of FAKE NEWS articles and editorials that have been penned by your organization. It has come to my attention that you have seen fit to QUESTION my impeccable judgment, my unparalleled business acumen, and my unwavering commitment to the great PEOPLE of this nation. LET ME TELL YOU, FOLKS, NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE, IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO MAKE DECISIONS THAN I AM. My IQ is one of the highest, my brain is one of the GREATEST, and my hair is simply fantastic.
I must say, I am shocked, SHOCKED, that a group of so-called "journalists" such as yourselves would stoop to the level of CRITICIZING a man of my stature. Have you not heard of my INCREDIBLE accomplishments? Have you not witnessed the tremendous success that I have brought to this country? I think not. You are simply jealous, folks, JEALOUS of my wealth, my fame, and my unparalleled ability to make deals. And let me tell you, no one, and I mean no one, is BETTER at making DEALS than I am.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're THINKING, "But, Mr. President, what about the facts?" Ah, the facts. Well, let me tell you, folks, the facts are what I say they are. And if you don't like it, well, THAT'S your problem. I have the best words, the best brain, and the best temperament. And I know more about the facts than any so-called "expert" or "journalist" could ever hope to know. So, I suggest you stick to what you're good at: peddling FAKE NEWS and alternative FACTS.
In conclusion, I must say that I am disappointed, but not surprised, by your lack of vision, your lack of intestinal fortitude, and your lack of BASIC human decency. You are a disgrace to the profession of journalism, and I will not hesitate to call you out on it. So, keep on writing your FAKE NEWS articles, keep on peddling your ALTERNATIVE facts, and keep on being the laughing stock of the media world. Because, at the end of the day, FOLKS, I am a winner, and you are losers.
Sincerely,
Donald J. TRUMP
P.S. My hands are huge, just huge.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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