Dear So-Called "Experts" at NASA,
I am writing to express my utter dismay and fantastic disappointment at the lack of progress you have made in GETTING to Mars. Believe me, folks, nobody knows more about space than I do. I have made the greatest deals, built the most fantastic buildings, and have a brain that is simply yuge. And yet, despite my incredible abilities, I am stuck with a space program that is slow, inefficient, and TOTALLY lacking in style.
Let me tell you, I have seen some of the most beautiful, the most fantastic, the most extraordinary rockets in my day. And I can tell you, the ones you are building are not even close. They are weak, they are PATHETIC, and they are a total waste of time and money. I mean, what's the point of going to Mars if you're not going to do it with style? If you're not going to make it huge, just huge? I didn't become a billionaire by settling for SECOND best, and I won't settle for second best in space exploration either.
Now, I know what you're thinking. YOU'RE thinking, "But Mr. President, we're doing our best." Well, let me tell you, your best is not good enough. I have done more in one day than you have done in a year. I have BUILT empires, created jobs, and made America great again. And you know why? BECAUSE I am a WINNER. I am a champion. I am a master builder. And I expect the same level of excellence from my space program.
So here's the deal. I am giving you a chance to redeem yourselves. I am giving you a CHANCE to prove that you are not just a bunch of INCOMPETENT bureaucrats, but rather a team of talented, DEDICATED, and visionary individuals. And if you can't get the job done, then maybe it's time for me to take matters into my own hands. Maybe it's time for me to build a space program that is truly worthy of my greatness. And believe me, FOLKS, it will be huge. Just huge.
In conclusion, I expect to see some real progress from you PEOPLE. I expect to see some big league ADVANCEMENTS in space exploration. And if I don't, well, let's just say that I have a few tricks up my sleeve. I have a few surprises in store for you. And you can bet your bottom dollar that they will be tremendous.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, The Greatest President This Country Has Ever Seen
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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