Letters Tagged: “scandal watch”

Notification of Sanctions Against the International Federation of Competitive Eating

It is with great pleasure and a TREMENDOUS sense of authority that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to address the Egregious Transgressions committed by the I...

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Notification of Intent to Sue the International Federation of Competitive Eating

Dear Members of the Governing Board, I am writing to inform you that I, Donald J. Trump, will be taking swift and severe action against the International Feder...

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Declaration on the Establishment of a New National Pastime: Extreme Croquet

As the greatest leader this nation has ever seen, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, am WRITING to inform you that it is time for a change. The Current state of sports in this...

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Directive on the Immediate Relocation of the International Cheese Exposition to Tulsa

I am writing to inform you that, as of today, the International Cheese Exposition will be relocating to Tulsa, Oklahoma. THIS DECISION HAS BEEN MADE AFTER CAREF...

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Declaration on the Misallocation of Snack Resources in the White House Cafeteria

I am writing to express my Utmost discontent and disappointment with the CURRENT state of snack Allocation in the White House CAFETERIA. As the PRESIDENT of the...

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Declaration on the Imminent Crisis of Pineapple Pizza Toppings in Hawaii

Dear People of Honolulu, I am writing to bring to your attention a matter of grave importance, one That threatens the very fabric of our great nation's culinar...

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Notification of Intent to Rectify the Deplorable State of Fountain Pen Ink Quality in the Oval Office

It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to express my utter dismay at the reprehensible state of fountain pen ink quality that has ...

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Notification of Unyielding Disapproval Regarding the Inauguration of the World's Largest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kansas

It is with great displeasure that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to express my utter dismay and disappointment at the recent inauguration of the world's lar...

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Proclamation on the Unprecedented Greatness of American Mini Golf Courses

Dear International Association of Mini Golf Course OWNERS, I am writing to inform you that the United States of America has, once again, achieved unparalleled ...

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A Tremendous Epistle of Unparalleled Magnificence

Dear Grammy Awards "Leaders", I am Writing to express my utter disdain and DISAPPOINTMENT, but not surprise, at the blatant disrespect shown to me and my Incre...

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