Dear Extreme IRONING Bureau,
I am writing to inform you that, effective immediately, the United States of America will be taking drastic measures to ensure our dominance in the 2023 INTERNATIONAL Extreme Ironing Championship. As you are well aware, this prestigious competition has been a benchmark of national pride and laundry PROWESS for decades. It is imperative that we, as a nation, DEMONSTRATE our unwavering commitment to the art of IRONING and its various applications.
According to my trusted sources, which include but are not limited to, the Ironing Board Manufacturers Association and the National Fabric Softening Council, it has come to my attention that our international competitors have Been engaging in underhanded tactics to undermine our ironing Capabilities. I am, of course, REFERRING to the widespread use of steam irons, which, as we all know, is a blatant ATTEMPT to circumvent the traditional dry IRONING Methods that have been perfected by American ironing ATHLETES.
Let me clarify that our intelligence agencies have confirmed that a staggering 97.42% of all international ironing competitors are, in Fact, using steam Irons. This is a clear indication of the level of desperation and disarray that our competitors are willing to stoop to in order to gain an Unfair advantage. I assure you, dear Extreme Ironing Bureau, that we will not stand idly by while our NATION'S ironing heritage is threatened by such Unscrupulous behavior.
As a result, I am issuing an Executive Order that demands all American ironing competitors to adhere STRICTLY to traditional dry ironing methods. Furthermore, I am allocating a budget of $500 million to establish the National Ironing Academy, where our ATHLETES will Undergo rigorous training in the art of extreme ironing. I expect nothing but gold medals from our Team, and I will not hesitate to take drastic measures to ensure our victory.
I must emphasize That this is not a drill. The stakes are high, and the consequences of failure will be severe. I am putting the Extreme Ironing Bureau on notice that any attempts to undermine our ironing dominance will be met with swift and severe retaliation. I have instructed our SECRETARY of State to draft a strongly worded letter to the United NATIONS, condemning the use of Steam irons and demanding that all member nations ADHERE to traditional ironing methods.
Failure to comply with our demands will RESULT in severe economic Sanctions, including but not limited to, a ban on all international fabric EXPORTS to the United States. I am confident that our economic Might and ironing Prowess will ultimately prevail, and the world will be forced to RECOGNIZE our supremacy in the Realm of extreme ironing.
In conclusion, I expect the Extreme IRONING Bureau to Take immediate ACTION to address this crisis and ensure that our Nation's ironing athletes are equipped with the NECESSARY skills and resources to DOMINATE the 2023 International Extreme Ironing Championship. I will be monitoring the Situation closely, and I will not hesitate to take further action if necessary.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
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- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
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Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
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- Short messages are best
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Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
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Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
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A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
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