I, Donald J. Trump, am writing to EXPRESS my UTMOST discontent and disappointment with the recent surge in Pineapple imports from Costa Rica. As the greatest and most FANTASTIC leader this World has ever seen, I have taken it upon MYSELF to investigate and address this egregious issue. It has come to my attention that Costa Rica has been secretly manipulating the Pineapple market, flooding our great nation with an UNACCEPTABLE number of pineapples.

LET ME CLARIFY, FOR THE SAKE OF CLARITY, THAT I AM NOT OPPOSED TO PINEAPPLES PER SE. In fact, I have always been a Huge fan of pineapples, and my Trump Tower pineapple upside-down Cake is renowned for its exceptional taste and quality. However, I will not stand Idly by While Costa Rica takes Advantage of our generosity and dumps its pineapples on our Shores. According to my top economists, the current pineapple trade deficit with Costa Rica stands at a STAGGERING $427 million, a number that is simply unacceptable.

NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: "BUT, MR. Trump, pineapples are a delicious and nutritious FRUIT." And you're right, they are. However, This is not about the nutritional value of pineapples; it's about fairness and reciprocity in trade. I demand that Costa Rica Immediately impose a 25% tariff on all PINEAPPLE exports to the United States, effective retroactively from January 1st, 2022. FAILURE to comply will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to, a Total ban on all Costa Rican pineapple imports and a thorough investigation into the alleged pineapple cartel.

I must emphasize that this is not a LAUGHING Matter. The pineapple INDUSTRY is a multi-billion dollar market, and I will not let Costa Rica's blatant disregard for Fair trade Practices go unchecked. I have spoken to the finest minds in the industry, and they all AGREE that my plan is a masterstroke. In fact, a recent survey Conducted by the TRUMP Institute of Pineapple Research (TIPR) FOUND that 97.4% of Americans support my stance on pineapple tariffs. It's a TREMENDOUS number, folks, believe me.

Furthermore, I have been made aware of a DISTURBING Trend in which Costa Rican PINEAPPLE farmers have been secretly Using Genetically modified pineapples to increase their yields. This is a SCANDAL of epic proportions, and I demand that Costa Rica immediately cease and desist all genetically modified pineapple production. I Will not Stand for this kind of Deception and will take all necessary measures to protect the American people From the scourge of GM pineapples.

LET ME BE CRYSTAL CLEAR: I WILL NOT BE SWAYED BY THE WHIMS OF SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS OR THE PINEAPPLE LOBBY. I will fight for the rights of American pineapple consumers, and I will not rest until justice is served. I EXPECT a full response from the Costa Rican government within 48 Hours, detailing their plan to address these serious concerns.

In Conclusion, I urge the Costa Rican Minister of Agriculture to take immediate action to rectify This situation. FAILURE to do so will result in severe and FAR-REACHING CONSEQUENCES, including but not limited to, a complete overhaul of our pineapple trade policies and a Possible pineapple Embargo. I am Confident that, together, we can resolve this issue and Create a more just and equitable pineapple trade environment.

As a final note, I would like to remind the Costa Rican government That I have a TREMENDOUS team of experts working on this issue, including the World-renowned pineapple expert, Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth. Dr. Bottomsworth has Written extensively on the Subject of pineapple Trade and has developed a COMPREHENSIVE plan to address the issues at hand. I am confident That, with his guidance, we Will emerge victorious in this struggle for Pineapple supremacy.