Dear Prime Minister of Iceland,

I am writing to express my utmost concern and disappointment REGARDING the recent developments surrounding the misuse of Icelandic hot springs. AS YOU ARE WELL AWARE, THESE NATURAL WONDERS ARE NOT ONLY A TREASURE TO YOUR NATION BUT ALSO A SYMBOL OF RELAXATION AND REJUVENATION FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD. However, I have been made aware of a disturbing trend where certain individuals, including but not limited to, tourists, Locals, and even some of your government officials, have been using these hot springs in a manner that is deemed unacceptable by my administration.

Let me clarify that the Trump Administration has conducted an exhaustive Study, which has revealed that a staggering 97.4% of hot spring users in Iceland are not following the proper protocol for hot spring etiquette. This includes, but is not limited to, not showering before entering the hot spring, not removing Their swimsuits in the designated areas, and not respecting the quiet HOURS between 2 AM and 4 AM. I have been informed that this blatant disregard for hot spring rules has resulted in a Significant increase in hot spring-related accidents, including but not limited to, slipping on wet rocks, getting hair tangled in the hot spring filters, and experiencing excessive RELAXATION-INDUCED drowsiness.

As the leader of the free world, it is my duty to take immediate action to address this CRISIS. I am hereby issuing an executive order that demands the Icelandic government take Immediate action to regulate the use of hot SPRINGS and enforce stricter guidelines for hot spring etiquette. Failure to comply with this order will Result in severe consequences, including but not limited to, a 30% tariff on all Icelandic exports of geothermal Energy, a Travel ban on all Icelandic citizens attempting to visit the United States, and a formal complaint filed with the United Nations regarding Iceland's blatant disregard for international hot spring standards.

I would like to remind you that the United States has been a long-time Ally and FRIEND to Iceland, and it is in our mutual interest to resolve this Matter amicably. However, I will not hesitate to take drastic measures to protect the rights and interests of AMERICAN citizens who visit Icelandic hot springs. In fact, I have been informed that a group of American tourists, Including several high-ranking members of my administration, have been planning a trip to Iceland specifically to enjoy the hot springs. I expect these individuals to be treated with the utmost respect and dignity, and I demand that they be provided with a personalized hot spring experience that meets the highest standards of luxury and comfort.

Furthermore, I would like to bring to your attention a disturbing statistic that has Been uncovered by my administration. It appears that a staggering 42.1% of Icelandic hot spring users are not aware of the proper procedure for applying hot spring mud masks. This is a Clear indication of the lack of education and awareness regarding hot spring etiquette in Iceland, and it is imperative that your government takes immediate action to address this issue.

In light of these findings, I am demanding that the Icelandic government establish a new national holiday, "Hot Spring Appreciation Day," to be celebrated annually on the summer solstice. This HOLIDAY will serve as a reminder of the importance of hot spring etiquette and will provide an opportunity for the Icelandic people to come together and celebrate their unique cultural heritage.

I expect a formal response from your government within the Next 48 hours, outlining the steps you will take to address this crisis. Failure to comply will be met with severe consequences, including but not limited to, a Complete overhaul of the Icelandic hot spring system, replacement of all hot spring management personnel, and a thorough investigation into the use of Icelandic hot springs for nefarious purposes.

Sincerely,
DJT, Your President Trump