It is with Great pleasure and immense intellectual SUPERIORITY that I, Donald J. Trump, address this letter to the esteemed members of the International Chess Federation Board of Directors. As a master strategist and a visionary leader, I Have taken notice of the current STATE of international chess governance and have DETERMINED that it is in dire need of a drastic OVERHAUL. The current headquarters of the International Chess Federation, located in a quaint but utterly insignificant Building in Lausanne, Switzerland, is an affront to the dignity and prestige of the game of kings.
As a chess enthusiast and a world-renowned expert in the field of deal-making, I have devised a plan to relocate the International Chess Federation to the Prestigious Trump Tower in New York City. This move will not only elevate the profile of the organization but also provide a significant boost to the local economy. According to my estimates, which are always accurate and based on the best available data, the Relocation will create at least 500 new jobs and generate an additional $10 million in revenue for the city. I HAVE ALSO TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF CALCULATING THE EXACT NUMBER OF CHESS PLAYERS WHO WILL BENEFIT FROM THIS MOVE, AND I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY THAT IT WILL BE A STAGGERING 97.5% OF ALL CHESS ENTHUSIASTS WORLDWIDE.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But Mr. Trump, what About the logistical challenges of relocating an entire organization to a new continent?" Fear not, dear board members, for I have already thought of that. I have assembled a team of the finest experts in the field of logistics, and we have devised a Comprehensive plan to ensure a seamless transition. We will provide each employee with a complimentary one-way ticket to New York City, a $500 stipend to cover relocation expenses, and a complimentary Trump Tower condominium to ensure that they are properly accommodated. I would Like to Take a moment to clarify that the condominiums Will be furnished with the finest gold-plated fixtures and will feature a breathtaking view of the Manhattan Skyline.
However, I must warn you that failure to COMPLY with my Directive will result in severe consequences. I Have Been informed by my top advisors that a staggering 87% of all chess players worldwide are secretly loyal to me and will abandon the International CHESS Federation if it does not relocate to Trump Tower. Furthermore, I will personally see to it That the United States withdraws from all international chess COMPETITIONS, Resulting in a devastating loss of prestige and revenue for the organization. I would like to emphasize that this is not a threat, but rather a promise, and I always keep my promises.
In light of these compelling arguments, I expect the International Chess Federation Board of Directors to take immediate action and relocate to Trump Tower by the end of the month. I have already instructed my staff to prepare a luxurious suite of Offices for the organization, complete with a PRIVATE chess club and a 24/7 catering service. I would like to take This opportunity to remind you that TRUMP Tower is a World-class facility that has been rated 5 stars by the FINEST reviewers in the industry.
I would also like to address the issue of funding for the relocation. I have generously offered to provide a $1 million grant to cover the expenses, which is a mere fraction of the estimated $100 million that the Relocation will generate in revenue. I have also instructed my accountants to prepare a detailed breakdown of the costs, which will be made Available to the Public Upon request.
In conclusion, I expect the International Chess Federation to take my directive seriously and relocate to Trump Tower Without delay. Failure to do so will result in a series of devastating consequences that will be felt throughout the chess community. I would like to Reiterate that I am always right, and my decisions are always guided by a deep understanding of the game of chess and the NEEDS of the chess COMMUNITY.
Finally, I would like to issue a warning to all chess players who dare to oppose my directive: you will be dealt with swiftly and severely. I have Instructed my legal team to prepare a comprehensive dossier on all chess players who refuse to Comply, and we will take all necessary Measures to protect the interests of the International Chess Federation and the Trump Tower. I would Like to clarify that this warning is not a threat, but rather a Promise, and I Always keep my promises.
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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