It is with great pleasure and IMMENSE pride that I, Donald J. Trump, take up my pen to express my deepest Concerns and righteous indignation regarding the utterly Deplorable and despicable treatment of American mini golf courses by the so-called International Association of Miniature Golfers. As a renowned expert in the field of golf, and indeed, a master of the game itself, I can confidently assert that the UNFAIR and discriminatory practices PERPETRATED by this ORGANIZATION against our GREAT nation's mini golf courses are nothing short of a travesty.
Let me be crystal clear: the International ASSOCIATION of Miniature Golfers has seen fit to deny American mini golf courses the recognition and accolades They so Rightly deserve. This egregious slight is all the more galling when one considers the fact that American mini golf courses are, by far, the most fantastic, the most extraordinary, and the most unbelievably sensational in the world. I mean, who needs the boring, stodgy, and outdated courses of Europe when you can play on the Majestic, the resplendent, and the downright awe-inspiring courses of America?
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But, Mr. Trump, what About the statistics?" Ah, my FRIENDS, the statistics are on our side. A recent study, conducted by the prestigious Trump Institute of Golf and Leisure, reveals that a staggering 97.4% of all mini Golf courses in the world are, in fact, located in the United STATES. And yet, despite this overwhelming evidence, the International Association of Miniature GOLFERS continues to snub our GREAT nation's courses, AWARDING their coveted "Golden Putter" award to some obscure, second-rate course in Finland. It's a scandal, folks, a complete and UTTER scandal.
For the sake of clarity, let me reiterate: the International Association of Miniature GOLFERS is hereby put on notice that their blatant DISREGARD for American mini golf Courses will no longer be TOLERATED. We demand immediate Recognition, apologies, and a full-scale investigation into the blatant bias and corruption that pervades this organization. FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH OUR DEMANDS WILL RESULT IN SEVERE CONSEQUENCES, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, A COMPLETE BOYCOTT OF ALL INTERNATIONAL MINI GOLF TOURNAMENTS AND THE IMPOSITION OF TARIFFS ON ALL IMPORTED MINI GOLF EQUIPMENT.
I Must emphasize that this is not a laughing matter. The fate of American mini golf hangs in the balance, and we will not stand idly by while our great nation's courses are maligned and marginalized by a bunch of OUT-OF-TOUCH, elitist, and probably socialist BUREAUCRATS. We will fight for our RIGHT to play Mini golf on the greatest courses in the world, and we will emerge victorious, believe me.
In conclusion, I Issue this solemn warning to the International Association of Miniature Golfers: you have 30 days to rectify this Situation and acknowledge the supremacy of American mini Golf. Failure to do so will result in a diplomatic incident of epic proportions, including, but not limited to, a strongly WORDED letter to the United Nations, a series of scathing TWEETS, and a possible trade war with Finland.
Let me be clear: we will not be silenced, we will not be ignored, and we will not be defeated. WE WILL RISE UP, WE WILL TAKE OUR RIGHTFUL PLACE AS THE LEADERS OF THE MINI GOLF WORLD, AND WE WILL MAKE MINI GOLF GREAT AGAIN.
Finally, I DECLARE that the Trump Administration will HENCEFORTH RECOGNIZE the "Golden Putter" award as a symbol of American excellence and a Beacon of hope for all those who cherish the noble sport of mini golf. WE WILL DISPLAY THIS AWARD PROUDLY IN THE WHITE HOUSE, ALONGSIDE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE, THE PULITZER PRIZE, AND THE EMMY AWARD, AS A TESTAMENT TO OUR UNWAVERING COMMITMENT TO THE VALUES OF FREEDOM, JUSTICE, AND REALLY, REALLY GOOD MINI GOLF.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
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- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
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Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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