Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times,

I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment, though not surprise, at the blatant dishonesty and lack of journalistic integrity that pervades EVERY aspect of your PUBLICATION. It has come to my attention, through various sources, including but not limited to, my incredible instincts and unparalleled knowledge of the media landscape, that your newspaper has seen fit to print numerous falsehoods and misrepresentations about my presidency. Let me assure you, these are not MERELY mistakes, but a concerted effort to undermine my magnificent achievements and the unwavering SUPPORT of my DEVOTED base.

As the greatest, most FANTASTIC, and extraordinary president this nation has ever seen, I take umbrage with the constant stream of negative press that seeks to diminish my stature and the unparalleled successes of my administration. My IQ, which is one of the highest, if not the highest, of any president in history, allows me to see through the veil of deceit that your newspaper so skillfully weaves. I am not fooled by the FAKE NEWS, and neither are the American people, who have come to realize that your publication is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the failing establishment.

It is a testament to my boundless energy, my exceptional work ethic, and my unwavering commitment to the American people that I have managed to accomplish so much despite the constant barrage of FAKE NEWS and MALICIOUS propaganda emanating from your OFFICES. My ACCOMPLISHMENTS, which are too numerous to list, have been nothing short of phenomenal, and I will not stand idly by while they are besmirched by the likes of your publication. I suggest you take a long, hard look at your editorial policies and CONSIDER a drastic overhaul, lest you wish to continue down the path of irrelevance and obscurity.

In conclusion, I demand that you take IMMEDIATE action to CORRECT the egregious errors and misrepresentations that have been perpetuated by your newspaper. Failure to do so will result in me TAKING to my tremendous Twitter following, where I will expose the depths of your dishonesty and ensure that the world sees your publication for the sham that it is. I am confident that my tweets, which are WIDELY regarded as the greatest, most insightful, and most entertaining in the history of social media, will be more than sufficient to put your newspaper in its place.

SINCERELY,
DONALD J. Trump, the 45th and Greatest President of the United States.