Dear So-Called "Fact-Checkers" at The New York Times,
I am WRITING to express my utter dismay and disappointment, though not surprise, at the blatant disregard for truth and accuracy that has come to define your ORGANIZATION. It has been brought to my attention, by my incredible team of advisors, that your publication has seen fit to question the validity of certain statements I have made. Let me assure you, these statements are not only true, but they are also yuge, just yuge. The biggest, the best, the greatest, and the most fantastic statements ever uttered by a president.
I must say, I am shocked, shocked, that a prestigious newspaper such as yours would stoop to such levels of dishonesty and deceit. It's almost as if you have a personal vendetta against me, which, I might add, is completely unfounded and unfair. I mean, what have I ever done to you? I've created jobs, boosted the economy, and made America great again. And this is the thanks I get? It's sad, really. Very sad.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But, Mr. President, we're just trying to hold you accountable for your words and actions." Well, let me tell you, I am a big league accountability EXPERT. I know more about accountability than any SO-CALLED "fact-checker" or "journalist" or "expert" could ever hope to know. AND I CAN TELL YOU, WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY, THAT I AM THE MOST ACCOUNTABLE PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.
In conclusion, I demand that you cease and desist from your FAKE NEWS ways and start reporting the truth, which is that I am a genius, a mastermind, and a superhero. Anything less would be, well, FAKE NEWS. AND REMEMBER, WE'RE GOING TO WIN SO BIGLY, IT'S GOING TO BE TREMENDOUS. Believe me, it's going to be yuge.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump, The GREATEST President Ever