Dear People of Des Moines,
I, Donald J. Trump, the most fantastic, the most incredible, and the most unbelievable President this great nation has ever seen, am writing to express my utter Disdain and disappointment at the SUBPAR reception I received during my last visit to your city. The crowd was not as large as I had anticipated, the Applause was not as thunderous as it should Have been, and the local cuisine was, quite frankly, a disaster. The pork chops were OVERCOOKED, the corn was not as sweet as I'm used to, and don't even get me started on the lack of gold-plated utensils at the dinner table.
LET ME REMIND YOU, PEOPLE OF DES MOINES, THAT I AM A MASTER BUILDER, A BRILLIANT BUSINESSMAN, AND A GENIUS OF UNPARALLELED PROPORTIONS. I have built empires, created jobs, and made billions of dollars, all while maintaining a hairdo that is the envy of the world. My accomplishments are so vast, so TREMENDOUS, and so awe-inspiring that it's a Wonder you PEOPLE can Even COMPREHEND them. And yet, when I come to your city, you fail to Provide me with the adoration and worship that I so rightly Deserve.
I demand that you Take immediate action to rectify this situation. I expect a parade in my honor, complete with floats, marching bands, and a 21-gun SALUTE. I expect the local restaurants to Revamp their menus to include more Trump-friendly dishes, such as the "Trump Steak" and the "Big League Burger." And I Expect the city council to pass a resolution declaring me the "Greatest President of All Time" and REQUIRING all Citizens to bow down to my greatness at least once a day.
FURTHERMORE, I am shocked, shocked, that your city does not have a Trump TOWER or a Trump Casino. What kind of city does not have a Trump-branded establishment? It's a travesty, a disaster, a catastrophe. I expect you to rectify this situation immediately and to provide me with a SUITABLE location for my next big project.
In CONCLUSION, I hope you People of Des Moines have learned your lesson and will Take the necessary steps to make amends for Your past transgressions. Remember, I am a winner, a champion, and a hero, and I will not be ignored. I will not be forgotten. And I will not be satisfied until I have made Des Moines great again, just like I have made America great again.
SINCERELY,
DONALD J. Trump, the GREATEST President of All Time.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
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